redstarfish2

No Matter How Hard I Try...
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2003-03-18 01:45:22 (UTC)

Fruitless...I'm a giant waste of breathe

So yeah, now you know how the "talk" went:

"so, Mom? You know how last week you said if I behaved and
showed I was sorry and willing to change you'd let up on
me?"--Me

"you arent riding with him"--mom
"fine"--me

"what do you want?"--mom

"something...anything"--me

"like?"--mom
"can he come over? and talk?"--me

"no... i dont want to see him"--mom

"fine. can we stand outside?"--me

"no"--mom

"WHAT!? *i start crying* this is bullshit! It wont happen
again. I'm sorry! What more can I do to prove to you that
I'm sorry and it wont happen again?"--me

"It will happen again, I know all to well"--mom

"NO IT FUCKING WONT!"--me

"yes it will"--mom
"LISTEN TO ME! NO IT WONT!"--me

"why do you care so much? are you afraid of loosing him?"--
mom

"No. Its hell. I DREAD being here"--me

"why?"--mom

"I'm miserable and I'm sorry. Being here is being away from
him. I DREAD weekends...I WANT to be at school! That's
fucking sad!"--me

"I let you go to that dance"--mom

"woo hoo?"--me

"Terry wasnt at work Friday night"--mom

"ok? well, he sure wasnt with me. he must have been out
with Fred. I wish he was with me...but he wasnt"--Me

"what do you want?"--mom

"spring break is this weekend and i cant live without
him...this shit sucks"--me (crying harder)

"I'll think about it"--mom

"great"--me

"I'll think about it"--mom

"how long will that take..forever?"--me

*silence*

"this is shit...i cant take this...i dont know what more i
can do...you'll never believe me!"--me (runs off)

***
So that's what happened....I'll ask again tomorrow and in
the mean time...I'm writing her a letter.
***
I tried...I love you Terry.

~ASh


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