adyinsc

ramblings of this hopeless romantic
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Ezoic
2003-03-17 19:09:54 (UTC)

Stupid rain.....

Eeeeehhh....I hate rain. Rain makes me sad. On top of that
I'm the frickin' worst woodwind then entire music
department. Geez....I'm the the sucky trio and I always
get 2nd flute part on everything that I'm not on picc.
Eeeehh I suck on picc too they just don't have the heart
to tell me 'NO!No picc for you!' cuz I suck. DH was
COUNTING on me not to play flute in Sinfonia. Wow I really
do suck then. Why the fuck am I here then??? Why don't I
just go back to Stratford and not get a good college
education? I love everyone in my section but itz so
obvious that they're all better than me....soooo much
better than me. I don't deserve to be here and I don't
deserve to have my Pearl or even my shitty Gemeinhardt
picc. Geez I hate these realizations. Watch someone like
Margaret (who actually knows the URL to this journal) read
this and think "Wow, she's a loser who fucking complains
about everything." I don't deserve to have a great prom
date like Adam. He's prolly just being nice to me cuz
Brandon set us up and we've already met and I've already
ordered his boutonniere....I don't expect a corsage from
him. I don't expect anything from anybody anymore--I don't
deserve anything.

Come this time next year I'm still not going to know where
I'm gonna go to college or even what I'm gonna major in.
Most other ppl already know what they're gonna do. Not me.
I'm just lost and confused, twisted and used. (haha Linkin
Park I think)

Tomorrow my trio's in the recital for the accredidation
thing. Itz gonna go so bad I want to cry right now. This
is horrible.

Baaaaahhh....Adam's supposed to call me tonight. He'll
prolly forget. Ha. Like anyone would remember me. I should
go back to the secluded, manic depressed me that no one
noticed or even saw (literally couldn't see cuz I'm so
damn short). I liked it that way. No one bothered me. I
guess I do that here sometimes. I'll venture away from
everyone else and sit in a corner by myself w/o anyone
ever noticing.


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