Anrui Kurayami

Kurayami's Tears
2003-03-17 17:48:16 (UTC)

Long Life To You My Friend...

Well, I've had an average day today. The last few days the
weather has been beautiful, and I've realized- I'm getting
a very slight tan! I'm no longer as pale as a ghost!!

But there have been some problems today... lets start at
the beginning [as I've said before, a very good place to
start].

Firstly, last night, Suiren asked me if I thought she ought
to have sex with her boyfriend. Of course I was shocked
[we're all only thirteen!], but I told her it depended on
how she felt, and whether they both wanted it. The only
problem for them it seems is simple- contraception. So i
said, I'll help her. And if its a last resort, I'm going to
buy some for them in the supermarket or superdrug.
Apparently, tarted up I look of a legal age [sixteen in
Britain]. Of course, I promised I would be there for her
even if things went wrong.

Next, I haven't revised for my gun test tomorrow, and I've
lost my sheet. Shit.

Last thing in the school day, I was leaving school, and I
heard the boys behind me saying stuff like "Whats that
smell? oh my god, its [Anrui]." I've heard them saying that
before, stuff like "[Anrui] has BO [body odour]". I know
its not true, but its hard to face up to it.

Then on the bus, my friend from Paul's school texted me
saying that he was gonna dump me, and the best friend who
fought with me over him hates me again. I can't believe
that we fell out over a boy, after SEVEN years. And i can't
believe she has been planning with him to tell me I was
dumped. Apparently he only went out with me for the sake.
One more boy I was used by.

Another problem is, I can't decide whether I even *like*
him anymore. Sure, I liked him when it was secret and the
thrill of finding out someone liked me even after ARA, but
somehow I'm not sure why i even go out with him.

For a start, I'm still thinking about ARA [past boyfriend].
I mean, he was my first kiss and all, so maybe its
expected, but still...

I've been writing my poems recently too. I'm putting two of
them at the end of this diary entry, coz I haven't got much
else to say.

Mata Ne!
~Anrui Kurayami~ xoxox

Sites i've visited recently:-

Erm... well....

www.fictionpress.net - this is the fiction section of the
site that began my real obsession with becoming an author.

www.fanfiction.net - this is the fanfiction section of the
above mentioned site. Lotsa Gundam Wing- i've posted
Lavender there under the name 'Angel Nataku'

Fave Words:-

betrayal, bitterness.

Poems-

1. Our Friendship

I'm missing you already
Though it hasn't been a day
Since I took our friendship
And threw it away.
I can't believe it's over
Because of one teenage boy
But it has come between us
I cry for it - like a child with a broken toy.
I know I was thoughtless
I knew what it would do
But I had to take the chance
I hope its not over - but it's all up to you.
I had to tell the truth
Because you are my best friend
But this is in your hands
Tell me if it's the end.
Before you make a choice
Remember our friendship and all it meant
Remember this poem and remember my love.
To you this is sent;
I love you [Cat]
I'll never give you up
But this is in your hands
Remember our friendship
For always as I remember it
A treasure, a living thing
A love so deep
Of this the forgotten people sing
Our friendship
Now it's take it or leave me.

[Notes: I wrote this for Cat after we fell out over Paul]

2. How can i pretend?

How can I pretend
That I want you?
How can i live with this lie?
Cos everytime you kiss me
I'm remembering another
Wishing I was back in his arms.
I'm sorry but I don't think I'm ready
To move on, to forget him
Cos when i lie awake its him I think of
His arms I imagine wrapped around me.
I'm sorry, but I'm thinking
How do i pretend?
I can't keep you from it forever
That I'm longing for another
Wishing I could be back in his arms.
How can I pretend to you?
I've been an idiot,
Thinking you could take his place
I do like you; but to me
He is still my love
I still remember his touch, his kiss
The things he used to do for me
The times I've spent with you make it clearer
How can i pretend?

[Notes: I wrote this for Paul when i realized he wasn't the
one I want, before I heard the rumour that he was gonna
dump me]

___________________________________________________
Added later:

Oh yeah, everyone is saying we are gonna be at war with Iraq in 48
hours. What a farce this is! We have split the EU, we have split the
British rule, we are going to be glorifying the DEATHS of THOUSANDS
of people in the name of our Queen! All because Blair and Bush want
to get those oil plant things! I doubt they really give a fuck about
the people Saddam Hussain is opressing, and will this help them?
Maybe in a few years, if we win, but now? They are going to lose
their homes, their husbands/brothers/fathers to fighting, many
civilians may die! And all because the oh-so-clever President Bush
and Prime Minister Blair are probably fucking each other up the ass
[not a pleasant thought!].

And there are people who support these idiots....

[its a free world, opinions are opinions. Just for the record, I have
nothing *personal* to hold against Bush and Blair, I am only thirteen
with no full view of the world at large, and I have NOTHING against
gayboys.]


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