Melly

Does this thing come with a manual?
2003-03-17 08:27:26 (UTC)

Been a long fucking time

Well it's been a while since last I wrote in here. I had
to switch diaries because of some drama that happened
about the time of the last entry. But now it seems like it
was a waste of energy and I should have kept my shit
going. But I was nice and didnt want to ruin a friendship
already ruined. Hm go figure.

So I am going to let off real steam in here and hope noone
I know finds it. Here goes:

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

okay so the reason why that was said so many times is
becuase I am so FUCKING worried about everything. And
because I want my friend Devon so bad it is killing me.

Yeah so only one can be solved and it ain't Devon thats
for sure. She will never in a million years see me as more
than a friend. More than her cute lil Jammy. Blah. I could
fawn and wish til the cows come home but it aint happenin.
So here is where my worry lies. How am I going to handle
yet another situation where I like my friend? I swear if I
could control it I certainly would. But I feel so stupid
because of this and I am not myself when I am around her.

I absolutely, positively, 100% hate liking my friends!!!

But of course when I think about her I am all mushy and
puppy eyes. When I am with her I act like a love sick fool
who does what she so desires. And she is not even thinking
like that. I know she isn't and it hurts me everyday. So
what do I do? I attach myself to this married chick at
work who I know damn well is not for me. I go from
unattached to unavailable. Yeah that is so healthy for me
and so smart to boot. I want her to read this so that she
knows exactly how I feel and exactly how I am not dealing
with this in a good way.

But that would only make things worse. She would act wierd
and I would get hurt and so on. Same thing different girl.

STUPID ASS!!!

I need some serious help and NOW!!!




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