that one blonde chick

that one blonde chick
2003-03-17 06:18:45 (UTC)

My Fake Dream World ....AGAIN

OMG... Y DOES IT FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING IS JUST FINALLY
BUILDING UP ON ME TO PUNISH ME FOR EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE
DONE WRONG.... MY PARENTS JUST TOLD ME THAT MY DAD WILL BE
MOVING OUT IN A WEEK OR SO..... MY BEST FRIEND'S MOM HAS
CANCER.... MY OTHER FRIEND'S DAD JUST COMMITED SUICIDE...
AND IT FEELS LIKE EVERYTHING I EVER HAD IS SLIPPING
AWAY..... IT ALL FEELS FAKE..... I TRY TO PUSH EVERYTHING
TO THE SIDE AND I KNOW I ALREADY SAID THAT I DON'T WANT TO
PUT ON A FRONT AT SKOOL AND MAKE IT SEEM LIKE EVERYTHING IS
OK, BUT.......I HAVE TO..... I HAVE TO...... I EVEN HAVE TO
DO IT IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS WHICH IS SAD..... I DON'T WANT
THEM TO THINK OF ME DIFFERENTLY AND.... I DON'T KNOW.... I
JUST DON'T WANT TO MAKE IT A BIG DEAL.... BUT REALLY ITS
JUST EATING ME UP INSIDE BECASUE SOME NIGHTS I WILL JUST GO
TO BED CRYING BECAUSE EVERYTHING IN LIFE CAN BE SCREWD UP
BY JUST THE LITTLE TOUCH OF THE FUCKING DEVIL....WHY THE
HELL DOES EVERYBODY TAKE THIS FUCKING LIFE FOR GRANTED....
ITS NOT A GAME.... YOU ONLY GET ONE LIFE... WHY THE FUCK
ARE YOU GUNNA THROW IT AWAY SO FAST.....I UNDERSTAND THAT
EVERYBODY MAKES MISTAKES.... BUT WHY DOES IT SEEM LIKE
EVERYBODY HAS TO MAKE THE MISTAKES WHILE IM HERE...
WATCHING AND LISTENING TO EVERYTHING EVERYBODY EVER DID....
FUCK..... THIS IS SO STUPID.... WHY CAN'T I JUST DO WHAT I
ALWAYS TELL OTHERS TO DO.... I NEED TO JUST MOVE ON....
WELL NOW THAT IM THE ONE TAKING MY OWN MEDICINE, ITS MUCH
HARDER TO SWALLOW....EVERYTHINGS THICK AND ITS NOT GOING
DOWN RIGHT..... I KNOW I SOUND SO STUBBORN AND I SOUND SO
SELF CENTERED.... WELL GUESS WHAT????????? AT LEAST IM
ADMITING IT!!!




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