No Excuses

Pillow Of Your Bones
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2003-03-17 03:56:49 (UTC)


I need help. I need to seriously step back and think about
everything. Im screwing my life up so bad right now. oi!
Everything seems to be piling up at once...Im about to fail
like 3 classes, I have no $, my job fucking sucks, I only
have 1 good friend that is always here for me and not only
do I never see her outside of school&work but come like
July Ill NEVER see her! My life is soo shitty and boring.
My normal week consists of:
Monday-wake up 5:30, leave 7:15, pick up Dre 7:20, school
until 2:13, night school (construction) till 5:30, drop
Paul Mike and sometimes Dre off at their respective homes,
work 6:15-8:15, Dres house 8:30-9:30, home...Homework, sleep
Tuesday: wake up 5:30, leave 7:15, pick up Dre 7:20, school
until 2:13, drop off Mike and Dre, work 3:15-8:15, Dres
house 8:30-9:30, home...Homework, sleep
Wednesday: wake up 5:30, leave 7:15, pick up Dre 7:20,
school until 2:13, drop off Mike and Dre, work 3:15-5:15,
Dre 5:30-9:30, home...Homework, sleep
Thursday: wake up 5:30, leave 7:15, pick up Dre 7:20,
school until 2:13, drop off Mike and Dre, work 4:15-7:15,
home...Homework, sleep
Friday: wake up 5:30, leave 7:15, pick up Dre 7:20, school
until 2:13, drop off Mike, usually me and Dre sit here till
whenever I bring him home
Saturday: wake up 7:30, leave 8:15, work 8:45-5:15, usually
me and Dre sit here till whenever I bring him home
Sunday: usually me and Dre sit here till whenever I bring
him home exciting, huh?
I miss having fun! Even when I was a complete fucking
loser...always depressed (and Im sorry for all that
whining!) I had fun...I had friends...I had goals and
ambitions! grr...I need that back! and I dont know how that
could happen!
I talked to JoAnn yesterday. Me and Laura were talking
about her to Monica...about how work actually used to be
FUN (LPS forever?!) and Laura tried calling her cell (she
was supposed to come in last Sat. but never did) but she
didnt answer. I hadnt talked to her in FOREVER...over 9
months actually. She called back later and asked for me.
She sounded so different. *sigh*
someone I havent talked to in even longer than that IMed me
a couple of weeks ago. He sounded like hes doing good. Im
happy for him...Im glad he found someone he can be happy
with. I do miss the time when we were friends tho. He was
so easy to talk to...I could tell him shit and not feel
stupid and I hope he knows that Im really sorry for all the
stupid shit I ever said or did to him. He was a good friend
and even tho things didnt turn out like I wanted with him
Im really glad I got to know him. LOL...and even if I said
it from time to time, I never hated him!
Like a week or 2 ago we got to go to the theater 1-3 pd. to
watch a play...'Much ado about nothing' I think. Ryan C was
in it...he was really good! he was like the best one up
there in my opinion! Then this past Wednesday, I was
standing with Cheeky and Steve K and he walked by and
tapped me and said hi...I was so suprised! it was nice to
know that he doesnt hate me tho. and it was good to
actually see him smile!
I know Im babbling and Im sorry. well no Im not because if
ur still reading this entry me
(Kerri614Dre-AIM) bc either I know u and ur actually
someone that cares about me or ur someone even more bored
then me...or both.
The whole thing that actually got me upset tonight is dre.
He was here and we were 'spending time together' all day
but it was more like...idk...we were together but we never
talk anymore or anything. then I went out in the living
room and was watching Dogma with my mom and he wouldnt come
out there. he was on the computer. he was like 'i dont like
Dogma' and i asked if he had ever seen it? (no) did he even
know what it was about (no) then how does he know he doesnt
like it? and y wouldnt he like it if he likes all the other
Jay&Silent Bob movies hes seen? GRR...when it was over i
came in here to get him (bring him home...9:30) he was
sitting here talking to Misty and he took like 15 min (with
me just standing here waiting) to tell her he had to go.
IDK y that really upset me as much as it did. I have no
problem with Misty...I think shes awesome and im not
threatened at all by them being such good friends (IM not
the jealous type) just kinda pissed me off that he was
at MY house and hed rather be sitting on MY computer
talking to HER then spending time with ME. idk maybe im
just weird but I think its kinda rude when he comes over my
house to get online or sleep while im doing other
things...and my mom gets all pissy about it to me which
doesnt help my relationship with her. grr. maybe he should
just be worrying a lil more about his own life and
relationship then misty's, ya know?
wow my room is a fucking mess. I havent cleaned in forever.
and im supposed to be doing my zoology of
the 3 classes im about to fail. Zoo, AP Psychology and
ROTC!...I made up all the work I owed in Am. Gov....Im not
doing very well in AP Prob&Stats either...Bruno is a
fucking asshole...but I know I have like a C or
something...I had a B but then i christmas treed a test
(28%) so that didnt help much! in ROTC on Thu. Chief told
me basically he really likes me but he cant help me out
anymore like he has and if i miss 1 more day (uniform) I
fail. shitty. pqworu npiodstypuiayta m'klaertu i
I got in another accident 01/21/03 (happy bday NJG! lol) on
the way to school btw. fuckin asshole side-swiped
me...didnt even give me any of his info...just got back in
his truck and left. grr. now my piece of shit car is even
worse then before! me dre and mike banged out most of the
dents but mike took off the door panel and now the clips
are stripped and whenever i open my door the whole thing
falls off. at least noone was hurt tho...well except me but
who was minor. dre (front) and mike (back) were
on the passenger side and it he only his the front driver
side (from about my 1/3 up my door to the very front) I
need to get it painted but I have no money and the lil bit
i do have has to go to Prom tickets and shit. Dre has
a 'job' that gives him anywhere from 4-15 hrs a week. shit.
on the way home from school thursday i got another ticket.
that same fucking asshole from september (fat shithead on a
motorcycle...grey hair...uniform too tight)...$123...going
44 on Waterfall. Jeez...honestly...I go like 60 down that
road and ive never once seen anyone get pulled over. just
my fucking luck...and if my parents find out (which i know
they will...) theyll prolly take away my car or something!
fuck me! grr!
on a brighter note...i got a new kitten. Lilliput (anyone
know where thats from?) shes not feeling too well right now
tho bc she got her shots and got flea-oiled yesterday. Mox
hates her. Im also getting a new Dell and getting my whole
bathroom redone (my mom got her income taxes and shes
getting a bunch of money-thats the next story tho! grr).
yay! i cant wait! mom was 'forced to resign' after 10 yrs at
working for this stupid fucking county. I hate Barbara
Dupre. my mom went to a union meeting and then went into
the bar with sue the alcoholic on prozac afterwards and she
was seen there with the county vehicle so they made a big
deal about it and fired her. my family has no
income! (my dads been in school for psychology...hes doing
his practicum at the harbor right now...for those of u who
dont know, that means he works Mon-Thu like 8-4 or
something for absolutly free.) but shes getting somewhere
between $7-11,000 in sick leave and whatnot and then she
gets about the same in backpay for overtime (which had been
an ongoing thing) well enough about that.
Ive been writing for about an hour now and since I havent
done my homework and Im lazy and just going to
go to bed.
g'night...if u actually made it this far! :) :(