neverthesame

forever changing
2003-03-17 01:12:14 (UTC)

what is happening to me

life is so estranged right now. last night i started crying
and i was just frusterated and i didn't know why and i was
jsut crying with no reason i don't know what is goin on
with me anymore i really dont. up until this year i stived
my hardest to get good grades didn't care all that much
about boys well that is they didn't care about me, and i
was a very high acedemic acheiver and now i don't care
about grades any more, mine are not exactly what they used
to be. and i ahve my boyfriend and friends that i care a
lot about and my social life is goin well and well i just
don't know i have changed a lot in the last year and what
my mom doesn't realize is that it has not just been
physical but it has been physical and mentally my
prioroties have shifted from school to people because i
have found that you can learn a lot from people and visa
versa.yea i know that it is important to learn at least
some book learning but honestly where is alg 2x goin to com
in hand unless i by some wierd happebecome a math
teacher.yea right like i would be a math teacher i don't
even understand the crap. oh well i don't care starting
next year i am goin to take easy classes and i am goin to
try to get b's but i am through striving to be the best i
don't care about being the best anymore i just wanna be me
and at this point i am having difficulties with even that.
well at least figuring out what the hell is goin on with
me. last night i completely broke down crying i didn't know
why and i couldn't stop my dad was trying to figure out
what was wrong then mary was and i just didn't know i
couldn't explain. i didn't know!! i wanted to stop crying
or at least untill everyone was asleep cause i saw how
concerned they looked and it worried me. i don't want them
worried about me. no one needs to worry about me, except
me.
i have noticed that everytime i tell someone about my
journal i change my author name shortly after, i don't know
why but i just do and i don't know why i have been doin a
lot of the things i have been doin lately a lot of it has
been unchareteristic of me but i still do it and i can't
explain when someone asks whats goin on because i really
honestly truely HAVE NOT A FRIGGEN CLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
well i think i am done for now i will write more later
hopefully when i get a grip on myself that or someone else
does.