The crazy world of me
2003-03-16 05:25:22 (UTC)

What do you guys think I need a opinion?

Hey what is up kids? So not much has really been going on
lately. I have been pretty much working and doing school
shit. I wish this year would be over with already because
its so hard. Next year is going to be tight. It will
never replace my freshman year but it should be hella
cool. I have changed a lot in the last couple months. I
never thought I would get high and then I did. I never
thought I could cut myself or harm myself in anyway and I
did. All this change scares this shit out of me. So Ricky
and I have been writting e-mails back and forth and he
kinda makes me feel like everything that has gone wrong
with us is my fault and that makes me feel like shit. I
don't know what to think. What do you guys think? Because
I am really needing an opinion right about now.
Anyway with that. So there is this guy Ryan that I work
with and he is like awesome and stuff but thats what I
think about all guys and then end up getting let down in
the end and hving my heart broken. I don't really know if
I could deal with having my heart broken again at least not
at the moment.
Yeah so I don't know what I should do about that. I am
not even positive that he likes me but I think he does but
he might just be thinking of me as a good friend but me and
a couple other people question if thats just it because he
says things that kind of makes us think he likes me.
His name is Ryan and I have known him since like 6th
grade and my freshman year I had the biggest crush on him
because he is so cute and sweet. I mean we are kind of
mean to each other but its all jokes. That how we have
been since I don't know how long. But I stopped liking him
and then when I started working with him he started coming
up to me like everyday and we just talk and talk and talk
and talk. And I pretty much love his personallity so that
made me like him again.
But like I said I don't know if I want to start something
else with another guy because I couldn't deal with
something bad happening with him. Not only that him and I
have been friends for so long and I wouldn't want to loose
him as a friend. Just like I don't want to loose Ricky as
a friend but I truly think thats going to happen no matter
how much I don't want it to.
You know I can't make him be my friend so I am not going
to press it. I just wish he could understand my point of
view on some things but he can't. If he could only
understand why I think like I do then we wouldn't have any
problems but no matter hom much I explain he won't. It
just proves that my theory on how my life is with me. Once
I get close to someone they leave or something happens you
know. But I am going to go because I have to work
tomorrow. I hope I see Ryan!

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