2003-03-16 04:06:54 (UTC)

my mirror no longer reflects

i woke up this morning and didn't feel like doing anything.
i had to remember to breathe even. i went downstairs nad
layed on the couch nad watched music videos. then i
eventually got on the computer. hilly was gunna go out and
spend some of her birthday money (her bday was this past
thursday, it was nice). i didn't feel like going out, i
needed to take a shower and stuff. but my dad said i needed
to get out. se he went a few places while i showered and
got ready. when he came back we went out for a while. i got
my photos from when me, sarah, jennifer, and eric went
bowling last year nad a cd. poison the well's "the opposite
of december". damn i love this cd. also, i got lord of the
flies for english class (gotta read it this week) and i got
a book called alas, babylon.
i miss robert. i miss him severly. :( *sob-ness* i wish i
coudl see him. i wish i coudl talk to him, hear his voice.
all that great stuff.

my parents are fighting again. my mom is (as robert would
say) anal-warting. (meaning complaining and bitching and
whining. grah! it's annoying. those two are so immature.
they piss me off royaly.i want to run away, move out.
something....just get away. blah
man, i can't believe its' already 10 pm.
i'm going insane....i haven't been able to vent in a long
lil while. i really need to. thus all my stupid whiny
ugh...i'm scaring myself. i manifest things in my mind.
earlier this week i starting thinking abotu what would
happen if i had to move soon. i couldn't get it out of my
head. i started crying and imagining everything play by
play. it even went as far as what i was saying to my
friends and everything. it was my head. i knew it
wasn't real, i tried to push it out of my mind b/c i was
scaring myself. but i couldn't let it go. i am starting to
worry myself sometimes. i've been amusing the idea of going
to a shrink and getting meds. but i don't knwo that i will.
please make the tension in my house go away. make my
parents stop being stupid and fighting. make it all go away.
oh yeah, and i've got writer's block again. oh joy *rolls