Blue Rosar

Song in Blue
2003-03-15 17:24:14 (UTC)

To Forgive Divine

So about the e-mail I sent Joe the other night, the one I
didn't think he'd read much less reply to; he replied to
it. His reply was harsh, but that's okay because I
deserved it and none of it was untrue. I was on the verge
of tears when I read it. It brought about another
revelation actually, he's a damn strong person...stronger
than me. Yes, I said it: he's stronger than me and here I
present the proof:

Jason

I'm sitting here at work trying to figure out something to
say... something to tell you what i feel inside... but i
can't think of anything prolific, so i'll just say this...

I can't tell you how much you have hurt me. Both with the
things that you have said and with the things that you have
done. The silence on the way home and then the slamming my
door when i dropped you off... the journal entries... and
the totally outright bashing of my friends... i should hate
you more than anything. But i don't.

Jason, I love you... and despite anything that you will
ever do to me, i will always love you. Most would say that
this is a weak quality but I see it as very strong. Again,
maybe it's just this "world" that i live in.

I accept your apology and I forgive you, but i'm not the
only person that you need to apologize to. Dennis and
Brian have opened up their house to you and welcomed you
every weekend. I don't understand it Jason... New Years
Eve you were toasting the relationship that we have... you
were toasting the friendship between all of us... and i
remember when you said that you couldn't see yourself with
anybody else... and then this. You told me that you loved
me at Spring Mill as well as when we were making love.
Yes, Jason, I was MAKING LOVE to you... because I fucking
love you.

Damn tears need to go away.

And Valentine's Day... the piano/keyboard?? Why give that
to me if you will break up with me a few weeks later?

For your birthday i made reservations at a hotel. I wanted
you to get off work because i was going to bring you to my
house... have a party with cake and everything... and then
leave around 9:00... take you to the hotel complete with a
jacuzzi suite and your favorite drink. I wanted to treat
you so well on your birthday... but i cancelled the
reservations and told everybody that it has been called
off.

I don't want to make you feel worse... i just want you to
see how much you are cared about by the guy that loves you
and the people that you say are vapid.

You are so beautiful, Jason. I just wish that you would
see how beautiful you are... because I certainly do.

I need to get back to work now. I'm not sure what to do
now... so i'll end it here.
You're still more than welcome to call me... you know the
number.

Take Care, Jason -- I wish you all the best.
Joe

How many people would write something like this after what
I had done? Not many, that's how many. He deserves
nothing but the best, and that's not me. Maybe it's this
Duane guy he's met. They have nothing but my best wishes.
Thank you, Joe.




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