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2003-03-15 17:02:38 (UTC)

a wonderful night

last night started out really good i brought my x out to
dinner for his 19 birthday. we rented a hotel room and
thats were it started to go down. we were all up and
moving around until bout 430 when hell broke lose and
thats what it was i am scared to say it but i think i lost
my only goal i wanted to accomplish and it seems like no
one cares but there was someone that did. i am always
saying i am sorry and cring y do i do that to myself. i
know y cuz i love and i care so much about him i just
wanted him to have a happy birthday and it turned out to
be a misrable birthday for him and i made it that way and
i feel really bad i guess if i made it the way that we
planed first it would of ened better but no we had to
invite someone that is better looking then me and alot
flirtause and even messes with his mind well i think hes
goign to realize how much i do for him once i am gone and
when i leave it will be for good and i know he plans
firends, supposable, like baseball 3 strikes ur out well i
guess i have struck out bye this one o even made it off
the team. i just hate the mind games that he plays with me
i guess i am just a big fuck up in his eyes now and i
guess i will never get him back no matter what i do and no
matter how much money or even how much attention i give
him. i try so hard to just keep him happy but i know what
i have to do i have to just stay out of his life and just
give in everytime to him. and i guess never to get my
hopes up again with a guy cuz now the true love is gone
and gone for good. i am just confused on everything i try
to be his friend and still act like basicaly his
girlfriend by giving him everything he could want i am
even tring to save up to fix his car i am never in anymore
and i gas it up and even pay for car washes but i guess
thats not what he wants i guess what he wants is someone
that is nice to him but plays with his mind and even give
him blue balls when they r around and then he still has a
slut on the side to pay for everything but hopefully not
anymore cuz i am going to get guts to say fuck no and i
mean fuck no cuz i am not going to put up with this high
school game.

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