lauren

Thoughts
2003-03-15 03:50:11 (UTC)

Excited and Hopeful : )

Well tommorow is saturday and im excited ( and hopeful as
you can tell ) i dont have to work which is REALLY weird
so i am going to go use our tanning beds. Then me and
blair are going shopping and she is buying me dinner for
my bday. then ryan is coming over to blairs to see me so
im excited. I dunno though. im nervous b.c. im really
excited to see him. I really want to run us and just hold
him and not let go but thats a lil pushey dont cha think?
all i know is that:Love never gives up, never loses faith,
is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
I Corinthians 13:4-7 : is all really how i feel, i dont
want to give up and lose faith in us b/c i really love
him. its so weird, im sick of analyzing this, if its
meant, its meant, and i will see all in good time but i
cant help but smile when i think of him. and when i think
about all the cute things he can say or do. i dunno this
is one of the toughest things ive ever been through and
ive been through some tough stuff im sure if you know me
you know that. But everyday i pray for God to guide me
either way. i know whatever his plan is for us is for the
best. but i cant help but to hope his plan is for us to be
together. i just wonder if he is thinking of me at those
times when i close my eyes and i think of him. or if he is
missing me right now, or if he has those "booterflies" in
his stomach right now that will last until he sees me
tommorow. Sometimes i wish i knew what people thought and
felt and then maybe i wish i didnt?!?! But i do wish i
would have been able to push my pride aside and change
when i knew i should before i lost him. I just always kept
this guard up to protect myself b/c ive been hurt so many
times before. if only i would have let that guard down
sooner id be snuggled up with him watching tv or just
lying there instead of sitting here WISHING i wasnt. But i
am just going to look forward to the day when i am. i am
working hard , i have worked hard all week to improve so
once i love myself it will be easy to love others, like
ryan.
oh well time for SLEEEEPPPP i am SERIOUSLY lacking
it....ive been working SO hard at this new job
goodnight all

laUren




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