L'il Pinks

Love and lost
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2003-03-14 16:37:53 (UTC)

Shall i believe?

OK enough of the gay asss poems i have no idea why i put
them in here. oh well today is another day that i have to
wait like 9 hours after i wake up just to talk to him. Its
a good thing i dont have school todayother wise id fail all
the testes we would have. He has no idea what I go through
when im not with him or speaking to him. I guess you can
say " i got it bad " lol my friend Mike is trying to break
me and Zack up only becuase he claims that he would do ne
thing for me and that all he wants is my happiness. He dont
realise that if he would just drop all his shit and let me
be then id be happy. Oh god why is my life so bad and yet
so great when im with him. I swear it seems that once one
great thing happens a worse thing follows after. Why cant
just one thing go right for once?! I pray that Mike will
ease off a lil on this" im n love with you i can make u
happier" thing. Because when i was with him i wasnt happu
and i am not planing on dumpin zack for a guy that makes me
feel like im a bad person when i do one thing he dosent

On the news a boy in CV died and me and zack were talking
about it and i guess it reminded me of Will. Oh god do i
miss him so.. and it dosent hep at all that Zack not only
looks like him but acts like him. So i guess its hard to be
with zack and not think of Will. What should i do? I will
not let Zack go just because my stupid mind thinks oh my
dear will every time i hear Zack tell me he loves me.

Thats another thing... Does he really love me i mean im
only 14 going on 15 and hes younger then me.. can i really
feel love at this age yet. Because my heart tells me i love
him but n the back of my mind everytime he tells me he does
it goes back to the Times Andy told me the very same things
and andy said we'd be together forever and of course lil ol
me believed that son of a bitch. so now everytime some one
tells me that i want to believe them but i just..cant. It's
all Andys fault that im paranoid about Love. I just dont
wnat to believe the persona dn end up getting hurt again. I
wont let my self get hurt i wont i juts wont. But then
again its not fair to Zack that he opems up to me and i
stay hidden because of my fears of the future. I know im n
love with this boy i know i am. but to think or believe he
feels the same just seems sumwhat wrong to do. it might be
because of these lil things that he does wrong like when he
says to me on the phone that hed do ne thing to be with me
then when he is he wont even like sing for me. Would that
count as lying please say no. I fear hes already getting
bored of me so that's another reason why i wont lt the
thought even run in my mind. I cant write ne more at this
time im getting to upset i have to go bye

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