crankykitten

Sherrie
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Ezoic
2003-03-14 12:57:49 (UTC)

Men are bastards

I am totally pissed off. Why? It's all Phil's fault. He
doesn't totally understand why I broke off our
relationship. I broke it off with him because I want to
concentrate more on my HSC, I did not want extra baggage
worrying about him all the time, the distance is difficult
to handle - I cannot afford the time to travel forth and
back between Sydney and Brisbane every vacation break, he
has a child to love, care for and look after, there's Sari
who has previously gotten in the way of my relationship
with him - I don't even like her one bit, and it's
difficult to remain sane when I cannot see him everyday,
whereas I cannot maintain daily contact with him either.
He reckons I am self-centered, and not mature enough to
handle an adult-like relationship. He claimed that I was
just acting all grown up, serious and mature all through
our relationship. What's more - I was just being myself!
He makes it out like I'm a hypocrite, like I never gave
any fuck about him, Jack and our relationship.
I cared alot about him and Jack, and I still do, but not
as much. I still really love him, but I am extremely hurt
that I lost my best friend. There are times that I regret
breaking up with him, but I had to do what I felt was best
for me. My HSC is far more important than him... he said
that he never intended to have our relationship impact my
HSC, but it already HAS! Since I got together with Phil,
my attitude towards school changed big time, and when it
came to school, I was flippant and not caring. I did not
give any damn about my HSC, and I wanted to give up and
throw away my HSC. I now realise that it is not right to
throw away my dream of going to university ane becoming a
teacher. My mum, friends and teachers have noticed the
change in my school attitude, and they have been worried
about me since then. Phil obviously has forgotten that I
still am a schoolgirl, whereas he is capable of
socialising and doing whatever he wants to do - that's not
totally fair on me. I'm only 17 and he's only 20. There's
a difference, not in age, but in social status. He's free
to do whatever he likes, and I don't have the freedom yet.
I know I will gain my freedom after my HSC finishes and
when I leave home, and I deserve my own freedom and
independence.
Speaking of independence, I want to be my own person. I
reckon Phil has this theory that every relationship needs
independence. I strongly feel that I can be independent,
no matter what situation I am in, and I am free to be my
own person. I do not need anyone, not even my partner to
be independent, just myself.
I think therefore I am; I put myself first before
everything else, and I do what I feel is best for me. If I
make a decision, I talk to people that I trust and am
honest with first before going ahead with my decisions.
I told Phil that I wanted to maintain the friendship we
had because I value his friendship and companion. He said
that he does not want to be friends with me and he reckons
that I only valued his friendship and companion when we
were together. Bastard. What he said, made me really
really hurt at the thought of losing my best friend. He
was the first guy that I've been really close with and I
completely trusted him. I felt very comfortable with him
and he was very easy to talk to; I could talk to him about
everything that concerned me. We had this special
connection, and what we had between us was special. I will
never forget the times we had together, and I will cerish
my memories of our relationship forever. He was my first
love and sexual partner. He was my first serious
boyfriend. I still have strong feelings for him; he will
always have a special place in my heart.
But I am still hurt that he cheated on me twice with Sari
(that bitch-face!) in order to gain more parental access
to Jackson. How pathetic is that?! It really makes me sick
in the guts. Surely,there is other ways to gain access to
Jack, but why do something like going to desperate
measures with your ex-partner?!
Anyway, people I better stop complaining about this
bastard, but hey,I was just expressing my thoughts and
feelings :-)

Love you all
Sherrie xoxo


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