Amnesia

dude
2003-03-14 05:25:24 (UTC)

3/13/03

(cont. from entry titled "Book List":) I should instead get
into some of the other things I've been neglecting...

Like caligraphy, shakespeare maybe. Definately wicca stuff
and making original work. Some of which would be, clothes,
candles, potions, incense. Maybe some fragrances/lotions
too.

First I must find time and money. Money is easy. (Ofcourse
all in good time. Taking it one step at a time.) finding
time and want is another story. I think international days
and the school play auditions are kinda helping out. But
that's another story. For another, maybe later entry.

I really wanna learn Caligraphy finally though. It's been
on my list since like 6th elementary school, and I'm a
senior in high school now. I wanna finally be able to space
the letters right, write them (or should I say paint them)
from the top of my head, and just know shit about it. It
makes me feel better. Maybe even better then some certain
people whom I consider to be not very educated. (Then
again, I'm the one with the short vocabulary and slow
brain.)

I bought the handy stitch. In time I may buy the food
shredder/blender thing. I want it so bad. I'll take them
both to wherever I'll live when I'll be going to Columbia
and I'll be loving it, I just know it. I love the handy
stitch already. With practice I won't be afraid to tackle
harder fabrics, designs, and such projects. I will also be
able to produce such things faster and with more ease,
hence adding on to my things to do, when some of my friends
might ask me to stitch a few things together for them for
that big dance to save money. e.t.c...

Acessories are hard to find, but very fun to shop for. If
you like spending alot of time in stores browsing, and
spending sometimes even a high price for something that
will break soon, or stain you, fall apart, whatever. With a
friendly trip to the library, and some internet sites,
along with my creative genius, and own wants, I would be
able to create the perfect acessories for my outfits, that
fit me. No more, "Gosh this is perfect. If they only had it
in red." Or something like that.

Incense can be a rip off for you sometimes. I don't know
how to do it, yet. I will though. I want to learn. It's not
about saving money, though I doubt it does. It's about
getting the best fucking incense there is. No more shit
that sells for 10 or 25c each, and not even smelling more
then burning smoke. I want to learn to do this shit right.
Ooh, I know how too. I'm in this spiritual book club, and I
have 4 more books to go. I'll be getting my paycheck in a
little over a week so if I see it I can put my order in for
it. It'll be 1 down 3 more to go, with bonus points I can
later use to get free books.
It's quite the spiffy.
(Such related books from this club can also help me make my
own candles, which I did once, forgot what I need. Also my
own fragrances and potions. This way I would know a thing
or two about what scent stays on better for what odor as
well. e.t.c... Plus lotions, and potpourri. I saw some
potpourri mix in a dollar store, but didn't know how to use
it, or wheather it would be a good scent or not. Besides it
was past the season for potpouri making. I could still try
it on that dry leaf I have on my alter.Hmmm...)

I've been on longer then expected. I wasn't gonna write
anything today at all. Just check the book list. That got
me started on this. I just had to continue on Gone With the
Wind. Oh well. Since I'm already here and no one is
bitching and screaming to get off yet, I might as well
write some more.

I'M JEALOUS!!! I've never been jealous of my friends by
something like this before. Atleast not as long as I
remember. It's kinda embarrassing. I detest the feeling.
You see, some of my friends are screw ups. Most of them are
honor students. Ap's and such. Very talented and gifted
individuals. That's got nothing to do with it though.
They're all doing something that I detested at first, but
now can't wait to get my hands on the experiance cause
every one else is doing it. Get your mind out of the
gutter. I'm jealous they all are done with their senior
papers. Or atlease on the rough draft turned in. Our
English class hasn't even started talking about it.
Yesterday, a student brought it up to the teacher. I guess
she was kinda eager for it too. I wanna do it so bad.

Karoline told me it's all about time. So I started getting
worried. She had like 6 to 7 weeks to work on hers. As a
result she got -2 points out of like 400 I think it is.

But you see, the reason I'm so jealous is that, I don't
know what everyone is always talking about. It's like their
own secret language. Like the greatest movie was made and
I'm the only one that hasn't seen it. (Like in the
simpsons, when Bart can't see the Itchy and Scrachy film,
when everyone else has seen it several times, loved it, and
is talking about it constantly.)

That's not all I feel out on. There's this whole war
protest thing I just don't care about, but to some students
it's almost like life and death, so it seems. (Very few
with such an exact exaggeration really.) Nevertheless,
sometimes it pisses me off that everyone is talking about
it. It's a sad thing and many people get very emotional
about it. It's a topic I choose to avoid if I can't make
fun of it. (I was never one for current events either way.
And though I'm against the war, I'm kinda against America
too. We are the dominating terrorists if you think about
it. The big bullies asking for the little countries lunch
money or we'll take their land and make it a legal thing
too. It's just like that thing from the play we're gonna be
performing. This girl says: We are the beaurocrats. No body
likes us but we still rule the world anyway.)

This thing about our 2nd per rally being offensive to the
black females of the school or something like that is not
very good for Lane when it ended up in the Sun Times. I
told you I'm not one for current events. Being myself, I
chose not to care. Now there is another secret language
going around. I really don't care. I just don't wanna be
left out anymore. I know this does sound selfish, but for
my sake, will everyone just forget about the whole pep
rally skit and the damn war? Can you just not care enough
to live? You know, it's kinda funny. Had we been able to
loose our memory very easily, only live in the present
time, there would be no time obviously. More importantly,
we'd be happier. As long as we'd live life we would be
happy. Maybe even if we wouldn't live it. There would be no
war. Everyone would certainly forget about it, and no one
would plan such a thing cause they would forget it and
plans like such take years. We wouldn't study or read
books. Cause we wouldn't remember them anyway. We would
just go off on instinct. I think life would be alot more
true that way. Very peachy.

(I think I ate a little too much just now. I lost weight.
Guess how. I felt nauseaus after I ate and done some stuff
like ride in the car that I just wouldn't eat much. Now
I've grown kinda used to it, so I hardly eat. But sometimes
I still get major cravings. Just now I didn't have to eat.
It just felt like the thing to do. By the time I prepared
the food I didn't want it anymore. But it was there waiting
to be eaten, so I just ate it. Not nauseaus anymore. I was
due to something I'm not sure. It might have been the
markers scent I was writing with, the chair I was sitting
in, and or the way I leaned over to write on the paper on
my knees.)

I want a computer. I want a lab top so bad I think I might
actually dream about using one, buying one at times. It's a
beautiful thing. I love it. To be able to acess so much
information in so little time is magnificent. It's also
small which fits into my bag and looks very
cool/sophisticated. It lets me write in here more often. I
wish I had one so bad. Maybe I'll get one if I don't blow
too much cash on the party. Maybe. I still want to fix my
teeth. I think that would cost atleast 2 grand though. 200
wouldn't work. I have to do something though. Food has been
getting stuck in those little crevaces and it's unpleseant.
It's very hard to lick off. Even brush off at times. But
enough about fucking dental hygene.

International Days is the place to be. I bought tickets for
Karoline, Randy, and Sabina for Friday. I think they'll
like the French Club's performance. As long as we don't
mess up we'll be rather good I'd have to say. Our costumes
look great too. I love them. I still need some stuff. I
can't wait to get the replies from my fellow students from
the dance. If they see it. I love the attention. It's like
you've done something slutty. But it's just French
tradition. It's acceptable in society then more of a very
sexy tradition. Our intro aint bad either. Can't wait. Must
take many pictures, make doubles, get more filme, more
doubles, more pictures, and above all, have a blast. I love
this school. But I still can't wait till I leave. Cap and
Gown measurements were on this splendid 1/2 day. I'm still
failing Chemistry. Hopefully I'll finally have time for
that guy to tutor me sometime. I would have said tomorrow,
but tomorrow I'm prabobly gonna be on the list for call
backs for the new school play entitled alter egos. I really
want the role. No more being the manly/noble GUY, or the
GUY who always gets killed. I want to be a female. A girlie
girl even. Gosh I just want to wear a dress or something.
On stage in public. Maybe that's why I usually come semi-
formally to school and I'm in love with performing for
French Club. I'll send pics to you.

-Amnesia
finally going to sleep