insecurity

Dealing with Me
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2003-03-13 09:07:12 (UTC)

Feeling Fat

I feel so fat...why must i be so plump? why can't i be
skinnier? ugh...life is so stressful...wif exams comin so
soon...i feel like i won't be able to cope...the fatness
is what bothers me the most. i may look pretty and all but
i wish i had a great body...i have looks, brains, a little
popularity...but i don't find it as worth it as having a
really great body...people say "be happy with who you are,
it's the inside that counts." they only say that because
THEY are skinny and don't really have any pressure to lose
weight. i like peter so much. he will never know how much
i like him. he likes me back to, but why must i be a
second option to sondra??? what does she have that i
don't? maybe she's nice and skinny but that's all...it's
not fair...skinny her is gettin all of peter's attention
while fat me has to stand her her shadow. sure, i may have
two other guys chasing after me but i don't want THEM, i
want peter...all i see around me are the beautiful people,
the people who are skinny and don't look like Free Willy.
they're everywhere! and i have no choice but to just sit
back and envy them. why am i fat? why can't God make me
skinny? why do i have to be short? if i were at least of
normal height i would consider anorexia but it stunts
growth, or so i've heard. i have no option but to just be
content with myself which i probably will never be.i wish
i could just be skinny. Be skinny. sure, everything else
also counts a lot but ur figure is very important. my
arms, thighs and tummy are so flabby, i can't even wear
clothes to cover myself up because it will make me look
fat too. i hate being fat. people think that exercising
and all works but it doesn't. i've been exercising and
eating healthy for the past three months and i'm still as
fat as ever. God, i want to be skinny. and not just
anorexic skinny, but beautiful super-star-skinny. that is
one of the things i desire most in life.


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