thea

the semi-secret life of thea
2003-03-12 23:59:15 (UTC)

wow

Wow, i feel like i'm completely loosing someone so very
close to my heart. My cousin and i are more like sisters. I
love her so much, beyond words. Yet everytime i speak to
her or read anything she's written(poems, diary entries) it
just seems like we've grown apart so much. She's changed
beyond words, she's given up on the world, faith, and love.
She hates so much. I mean, i'm one to talk, i'm pretty
fucked up myself, but seriously, i just can't understand
how someone could feel so isolated, so torn away. Well, i
take that back, i can understand those things perfectly,
but just not in the same way she's expiriencing them. Her
thing is completely different than mine, but i need her
here. I can't have her leave me, not now, not ever.
I can't have anyone leave me. I don't know what i'll
do if/when more of my friends decide they're not my friends
anymore. Shit, i'm crying while writing this. I'm so
screwed up. Thank god i have those few really good friends.
I mean, there's only about 2 i can ever begin to talk to,
and one of them is my cousin, so i really only have one
friend i can semi-spill my heart out to. But i thank god
for her. I don't know what i'd do had i not met her. But
still, you need more than one really close friend. I have
best friends and what not, but i can't tell them about me.
I've gotten too good at fooling them. I can't just burst
in "here's thea! love it or not! this is me! i'm so
freaking screwed up! Look at this!*rolls up sleeve*". So
yeah, that wouldn't fly. But i need it to. I mean, gah i
don't even make sense, i just need people to understand.
But no one would, so there's no point. Just a hopeless
optimist i suppose. But yeah, that's it. I'm done. G'day to
you and yours and i wish thee a pleasant evening. ~a
screwy thea




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