2003-03-12 03:18:03 (UTC)

i wish someone still loved me...

I dont know what the hell is going on. i'm half really mad
and half really sad. people are savages. they care about
themselves and nothing else. "certain friendships"
(although i'm sure anyone reading this should be able to
realize who this certain someone is) are really confusing.
good one day shitty the next. although shitty is most of
the time and good is like one day every month or so when
he has nothing better to do. and it sucks. everytime i'm
like why do i put up with this shit i act like we're
married or something and i convince myself fuck him i can
have other friends... he miraculously is all like... hey
sean, let's hang out, be friends, blah blah blah... he
cant understand how much it tears me up. he fucks with me
mentally. i honestly dont understand if he realized what
he does, but i hope he doesn't cus i'd be upset if he did
it all on purpose. so right now i'm at that point where
honestly i dont care about him and as far as i'm concerned
we're not friends... but in two days we are going to be
alone with a bunch of people we dont know for a week,
hours away from anyone we would want to talk/hang out
with...so the enivitable "get back together" stage will
happen. and then slowly we'll grow apart...it's a sic
cycle and i'm trapped in it....

anyways...now that i've vented... let's get to business.
there is none. being single is bugging me, i want to find
another girl. but it'll take time to obtain that one.
maybe i'll make better decisions so my relationships
aren't so short. just have to wait and see.

i feel like i have nothing more to say...all that talk
about lossing friends clutters my mind so i cant think
straight and i have 9weeks exams coming up tom. and the
next day so i'll have a hard time concentrating. funny how
one person makes such an impact on your life and they dont
even realize it...

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