Faerie Onyx

Tis The Faerie
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2003-03-12 01:52:45 (UTC)


Thus far my week has sucked. Sunday I didn't get to see my
baby, or mi angel... Monday I was depressed and I didn't
feel up to going to school and dealing with the assholes
that pester me while I'm there, challenging my right to be
there. I would rather not go than face them. Also Emily
would be there, and I don't want to hear about Jeff and
his "magical penis" or how she's "addicted to sex with
Jeff" because I don't give a shit.

Today, I had to make up a test for my French teacher. I'm
getting a 56 in that class, which is failing. I can't fail
that class. That class is the entire reason i'm at that
school. That was okay, but right before that I had to walk
all the way across campus to the principal's office and sit
in her office for 10 minutes with LAUREL. It was about my
high PSAT scores. The 10 or so of us got the highest
scores on the PSATs in the school. I poked Laurel and
said, "Hey Laurel!" and she said, "Don't touch me." This
is after we supposedly made up. Probably just an act to
appease her boyfriend. Dumb cunt. I hope she fucking dies
and rots in Hell.

All day I felt like a burden to everyone around me. My
Government teacher carried my bag to my French classroom so
I could take that test, then my French teacher carried my
bag to my history classroom. Emily carried me to my car,
and Samm carried my shit AND Emily's shit AND my crutches
AND her own shit.

Also yesterday my dad said he felt cheated cuz my baby
doesn't have his GED yet, and that was the requirement we
had to meet before he would allow us to see one another.
That was over a month ago, and if he doesn't get his GED
soon then I won't be allowed to date him for much longer.
I don't feel like he really cares. I really don't. I
don't really feel like he's trying, and I DO feel like he's
just trying to keep me with him so he can be like "Yeah
she's mine." I don't know... I guess I just don't think
it's really going anywhere. At least not fast.

And the sex. I feel like EVERYTIME I go over to his house
I HAVE to have sex with him. Even when I don't want to.
But I do it anyway, as with Mike, to please him. I love my
baby though. I really do. I guess it just doesn't feel
like "making love" anymore. It doesn't feel special, only
mandatory. It feels like I'm "fucking him" you know, like
it doesn't matter. Fuck life, I'm depressed as shit...