=-this is me-=
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2003-03-11 23:48:51 (UTC)

first entry, so many thoughts

ok well i don't really know who's going to read this, nor
do i care. this is a place for me to get my feelings out
because i don't trust myself with a real iary thing, too
many opportunites for people to see it. i mean ya, a lot of
people can see it here too, but who cares? lol you don't
know me, unless i told you i had this diary, and ya read
on. ok now that i'm done introducing myself (ya that was an
introduction, names aren't necessary yet and i'll
eventually be named) i'll start the actual writing. i'll
most likely start out the way i'm about to, i guess this is
a prologue or something:

song of the day- head on collision by NFG
how do i feel- tired and worn
rating of today (1 to 10)- 6

today was interesting, everyday is thought in some manner.
i mean ya, i did find out i had a 65 in math and that sux.
so what's so interesting about that? i guess what i'm
trying to say is that a lot went on today in my head, not
so much publicaly. i have a burden on me it seems, i hate
burdens. and i really just don't know what to do with this
one. i mean i could help, but then it would interfere with
feelings i've had. i guess i just hafta let this one take
it's course. on this same matter for some strange reason
today i felt something. ya, i've been over tommy for a long
time, but then why did i feel like i was attracter to him
today? what is wrong with me. that had to be temporary, i
can't trust him anymore since he broke up with me (later
for me to find out it was because he liked lauren, but hey
i'm cool with that, remember?). on the subject of guys- it
was kind of scary today when josh wasn't there. he wasn't
himself and i'm a little worried. so it scared me even more
when he wasn't there today. i don't really know what he
does to allieviate pain but i really hope it isn't
negative. i've never seen him miss school. crap i gotta
stop thinking about this.

by the way i'll prolly update everyday, except when i'm at
my dad's or on spring break, ya know? i guess this is a
good time to vent about my dad. ya, i guess i have to admit
that i do have one, and i do love him, even though i REALLY
don't like to say that. now i know that sounds terrible,
but when he walked out on my mom, he walked out on me
whether he knows that or not. we don't communicate, it's
more passive than ever. i think i talk to my dog more than
i talk to him. he just frustrates me so much. he stemmed an
emotional break down the other day. when he acts the way he
is now- bastardly- it really bugs me. and he and my mom got
in a huge fight on the phone and he ended up yelling at me.
now that really sucked. now i hate crying, so i decided to
take a walk and before i knew it i was walking along the
road crying. woohoo, what a way to go. so ya i turned
around and just sat out front. it wasn't very cool, i was
all dazed and crap. there is so much about my dad that'll
probably end up in here. i'll add more to that later.

ok about spring break, i'm going on a ski trip with my
church. that is going to be so fun. lol. ya me and matt are
both going. matt matt matt.. he'll be of big interest in
here too. i've known him for forever and he's my best
friend, and so much more than that. ya i guess you could
say i like him. and the other night i had this dream where,
well the jist is that i didnt tell him i liked him soon
enough and he got a girlfriend. wow that's the story of my
life. lol. so ya dreams suck, that better not mean i hafta
go and tell him or anything. well anyways i'm kinda tired
of writing and all, and besides i'm outta things to say.
i'll talk to you (whoever you may be) more tomorrow if
things go as planned. wish me luck tomorrow talking to