-cikerd-

Worcs Of A Dangerus Mind
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2003-03-11 22:30:25 (UTC)

Regretful Sorrow

hey,
i have realized that i have been an extreme asshole
laitly. today i sat back in my chair and pretended. for
the 1st time in like 934723875 years, i pretended.
i pretened of 2 things. one- that everyone i loved, i
lost. and cause of me. cause i was so ego-driven i forgot
about the true meaning of freindship and agrued and fused
and faught w/ everyone. and i ended up lossing them ALL. i
can also so the ending of that one wasn't to great......
and i also pretend that well, i realized everything i
was doing. and changed everything wrong about me, stopped
fighting for all the stupid reasons i do, and got a fucking
since of humor. and over an amount of time, people forgave
me. FINALLY, people forgave me.
i realize how hard for people that actually is. cause
people, even if someone says they forgive u it isnt exactly
always ok then, it just means that they realize U know what
u did wrong. thats all forgiveing is.
i am pretty sure that i lost a good friend for a really
long time. and no matter how much i beg, shelby has but up
w/ so much of my shit and i seriously thank her for
everything she told me. i deserved a fucking slap in the
face for being so DAMN blind. thanks shelby for haveing
the nerve to give me that. i am such a fucking ass. i
fought w/ shelby for the longest time, even when i realized
I was so damn wrong. see i no everything i am doing is
wrong, but my egotisical self doesnt change anything. i
fucking hate me. i have been hurting Lindsey for the
longest damn time. IDK if u would call it lieing, cause i
really havent been, but still i tell her i love her, and do
nuthan about it. i KNOW it hurts her so damn bad, and i
keep doing. i think the only person i have been totally
streat forward to was well luckly BallZ.
and threw my little "Christmas Story" episode i had
today, i can honestly say i will change, but i think i have
said that way to much by now. i have cryed wolf to much for
anyone to believe me now. but if there is anything i can do
to favore the outcome of all this, PLEASE someone tell me.
i am willing to spend the rest of this year, as hard as
i can possibly go to gain people trust back.
i am sorry

Song Of The Day:
Boxcar Racer-Sorrow


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