EmptymeOut

bundles of inadequate thoughts.
2003-03-11 20:14:38 (UTC)

maybe

i was excited to go see her. i was excited to see her baby
pictures, get some "maternity" clothes. find out... how she
was doing.
she walked out of the building with a little skimpy top on
and a pair of tight jeans and somewhat nothing of a body to
try and fill it. nobody ever would have thought she just
had a baby three weeks ago. I knew, and i still couldn't
believe it. does she eat? no. she never used to eat. while
she was pregnant she ate, and she was happy then. then she
gives birth to a child, and gives it away, which increases
her chances of becoming more depressed...
i believe in adoption. i believe that if you arent stable
enough or dont have a mother and a father and couldnt do it
on your own, that giving it to loving parents who cant have
their own child is a good alternative. the best
alternative. but her telling me that she kept this child
for 2 days, her telling me that nobody else could hold the
child without having it cry right after it was born because
it knew her voice so well was devistating. its something
she'll remember for the rest of her live. its something
that she will love and hate to remember for the rest of her
life, but the baby wont. or will it? the baby knew who the
biological mother was the moment it was born. it knew her
voice, it knew her touch... they just know. so ten years
down the road will it still know? it sure wont remember
those 2 days, but it still might know. it still might feel
like something is missing. it still might wish that it knew
her. maybe not... but it might. and that's what is so sad.
it can be happy, have wonderful parents who raise it like
the mother never could have, given it what it wants all the
time, what it needs, and then still have problems as it
ages as a result of a detachment when it was only 2 days
old. it wont remember, like i said. but it knew her. they
bonded. they were so attached that throughout this little
girls life, will she always feel a need..or a longing for
her mother? she may not even know its her mother that shes
needed, just ...a feeling of emptiness, or a feeling that
something in her life is missing because that person that
she loved inevitably, and that other person that she loved
inevitably back... is gone.




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