HeArT_of_AnGeLs

Inside A Mind Full Of Imagination
2003-03-11 14:45:27 (UTC)

Getting bored and restless...

I know I seem to be obsessing over this guy I started
chatting to, but I can't help it. Today, my dad's birthday,
I was pretty close on meeting him. I wanted to take a walk
because I was soooo bored today with nothing to do. In the
morning I had a class in Uni. But afterwards, I just... got
really bored. And I haven't been that bored for a while. I
wanted to do something, to go out.

So I text-ed the guy (I'll nickname him as "J") just to say
hi and all, saying I was bored as hell and that I might
take a walk after I played some games on the computer to
drain out some of my boredom. He text-ed me back, saying
he'd like to take a walk with me. I was a tiny bit hesitant
because, somehow, I... I don't know. I had to stay until my
parents came home so I could tell them I'll be taking a
walk.

But I agreed to let him walk with me anyway. I wanted to
see him again. So we both agreed to meet at the bus stop
and I told him to text me when he gets to the bus stop.
Only when my parents came, they immediately set me to make
a fruit salad. I tried to be in a hurry, but when I told
them I wanted to go for a walk, they made me stay because I
HAD TO HELP them prepare dinner because family friends were
coming over (dad's birthday, remember). So I was pretty
bummed to text "J" back saying that I couldn't because I
had to help my parents. I felt so guilty and a little
annoyed, even as he said don't worry about it. But I'm
always like that: when I sorta want to go out with friends
or something and I had to back out at the last minute
because something came up (like helping my parents), I feel
guilty and irritated about it all. Especially when I wanted
to go out.

So I felt guilty for not meeting "J" and told him so when
he called me. I'm still guilty about it, even though he'd
said don't worry about it. And our talk didn't last long
too. For one thing, I had to watch my favorite show (I
never wanna miss a single episode of) and for another
thing, he was doing homework. Our conversation was cut for
some reason and I didn't even get to say goodnight to him.
But (*sighs*) oh well...

The thing is, this morning, when my alarm went on, I almost
forgot why I had my alarm on. Then immediately after
realizing that I had a morning class, I thought about our
conversation on the phone. Actually, I more like thought
about him. And I think I haven't exactly stopped since...
well, since we started chatting online and talking on the
phone. And lately, I've been looking forward to our talks
on the phone. I don't know why, but that guy really makes
me laugh. And we haven't exactly ran short of a
conversation. Plus, I'm starting to feel more and more
comfortable talking to him, so soon after we started
talking. That doesn't usually happen.

I'm not falling in love, though, I assure you. I don't know
what falling in love feels like and I keep myself guarded
so I wouldn't get hurt. Besides, I want to fall in love
with the right guy. If "J" was the one... well, I don't
know what I'd feel. I don't wanna fall in love with him
without knowing who he really is (even if I'd seen him a
few times and know that he's cousing with my best friend
and a friend to my godsister). I also don't wanna fall in
love with him, just like that, and then get hurt in the
end, if you know what I mean. But I still wonder...

Anywayz, I'll leave it here for now... I might go and...
try to find something amusing to do.