mr_drew

Andrew
2003-03-11 13:09:41 (UTC)

Dunno

I feel embarrassed writing this. What I'm going to write,
I've said so many times, so much so that it probably won't
seem truthful at all. But, bleh, this diary is for me, and
not for anyone else. I don't mean to lie with what I say,
if it turns out to be a lie, I'm mostly only affecting
myself, lying to myself...and no one else.

That sounded really selfish.

Yes. So, Sunday night I went out and got completely
wrecked in celebration of Phil's birthday. I spent quite a
bit of money and what did I have to show for it?

This:

- Puking up twice
- Feeling terrible
- Being still drunk the next morning

Great.

£25 down the drain for that. Fuck. That pisses me off.

Here's the bit I'm trying to convince myself to believe
isn't going to be yet another broken promise.

The other night taught me that I don't want to experience
what happened again. It's horrible. It makes me look
stupid.

I'm not going to drink for the next few months. And, if I
don't drink after that...than that's brilliant. I've
noticed myself drinking more each time I go out, and I know
that's not a good thing at all. I don't want to fuck
myself up.

Except for writing my diary once a day, or every few days,
I'm only going to use the Internet to study. I waste way
too much time on here. It's unhealthy.

I also want to get more fit. But I think I'll leave that
for a while. The first two promises are enough for a while.

I'm *not* going to go back on them.

Andrew.




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