i am nothing
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2003-03-11 03:22:07 (UTC)

i always have to start them off..

i always have to start them off weird. ok yes, well. how to
start? ok i shall start by telling you a little about me.
ok well im a freshman at cornerstone christian, im 14 (ill
be 15 on april 11) and im a cheerleader. ya. thats pretty
much the jiff of it.
ok well um my mom just got home. im not supposed to be on
the computer (on aim, but she considers this aim so ya) so
i must be leaving instantaniously (i have no idea what that
word means.....but i like the sound of it and i think it
fits.....i dk)
ok well see we'll start off by talking about the guys. i
seem to have a problem with the guys. ok well this guy
mark "loves me". i dont think he knows the really meaning
of that word. Billy likes me too, but i dont know if he
just "wants some" b/c he thinks im like that (im not) so i
dk. josh hates me now b/c i confessed that i like matt and
not him, but i love josh. he was my best guy friend. so
that really sux ass. matt feels as if he's in a lose-lose
situation with me....that also sux ass.
my reputation at school with the guys is that im "easy"
or "cheap" or something along those lines. I dont see how
they figure that. ive never done anything to make them
assume that. im not like that though. no one seems to get
that. so, to the majority of the guys, im just a big joke.
they go around making rude comments about me, sometimes in
front of my older brother (i feel terrible b/c of that) and
then my brother doesnt know what to do, so he tells my mom
thinking he's doing the right thing. i dk if i agree with
him or not, but it really didnt phase me that he said
something. he had the right to. i dont think i could ever
get mad at danny anyway. i love him so much. he's an
awesome person. i look up to him....he's the 2nd baseman on
the varsity baseball on the softball team and so
i told them i wanted to be 2nd base like him. hehe :) ok
back to the guys....ya so im just some big damn joke to
them and i dont know how i can make them see thats not how
i really am. and i want them to see im not like that b/c
all my rep. is doing is bringing my brother down, and thats
the last thing in the world i would ever want.
moving family. i dont talk to my family much. i
talk to them "moderately", i guess you could say. not so
much my sister though. i dont like talking to her. usually
she just has stories of the boys at her school wanted to
touch her ass. if its not that then its about how "big" the
boys are, and if not that, she's insulting me and bringing
me down. she's not always like that though. i still love
my parents....where to start? i love them so much. my mom
doesnt seem to realize it though. she wrote me a long
letter last night that i read today (typed out 7 pages
long). it said alot of things. but i dont think she knows
how much i love her, regardless of anything she says or
does. i dont know how to get her to understand. my dad...i
think he knows, but im not completely sure. i think
sometimes he questions it. i dont really know how to show
love. i think thats the problem. im scared to i guess. its
weird. long stories. but i g2g...spanish children storybook
due tomorrow and i just started it. so long

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