Rice Cakes

randoms thoughts from a girl named eryn
2003-03-11 01:53:21 (UTC)

yes...its just like finding the right outfit i swear

i need to write. its about the only thing i feel like
doing. i'm in a very introverted mood. i don't really feel
like talking to anyone. my phone rings and i just listen to
the ring...while it annoys me and hope that aftre about 10
damn rings it will stop. i sign online, i have no interest
in talking to anyone, infact even when then im me when i'm
sitting in front of my computer sn...i juts let it sit
there, all alone without a response, it its gives me this
strange satisfaction knowing that people want to talk to
me, but i dont want to talk to them..huh... but if i do
sign on, i am looking for something, otherwise there would
be no purpose in siging on. out of the 100 or so people on
my buddy list, i am hoping for just one...to sign on, this
person never comes online. the way to possibly communicate
with 'them' is to pick up the phone...BUT...that is not
possible at the moment, it is too awkward to call right
now. but i'm screwing myself, because i'm drowning in this
sappy mood of mine and part of the reason i'm sapping is
because i haven't spoken to this person in almost two days.
i'm not crazy about this person, nor to i really know them,
but i want to...and i'm hoping its a mutual thing. i'm so
sick of this stuff...ok it is a 'guy' i will confess...look
at me trying to keep it on the 'DL' when its so fuckin
obvious it almost bites you in the ass.
i hate guys, i wish i didn't want to like somebody so
badly, then maybe i wouldn't be going through the whole
population trying to sort them out by differences...its
just like trying to get dressed on a saturday night...your
looking for something spectacular...yet there is so much to
chose from, but nothing ever seems to look right..and then
finally you give up and stick with that last and final
outfit you put on because #1 your worn out #2 it may not be
the best but its the best you can do for right now..its 'do-
able', so you say to yourself 'maybe next saturday will be
better..yea next staturday...i'll know. the same thing
applies with guys...you try one out...then you try
another...then you try TEN MORE...and the 13th guy comes
along and your like...ahh fuck it, he'll do, hes got most
of what i need, i'll give it a go for a lil while, knowing
it won't last too long...and a month goes by and you
realize the 'do-able' time is up and you end it. hoping
that you are now ready for a new start and BOOM...maybe
mr.perfect is around the corner. yea see i should write a
book. its all bullshit, i mean i really don't know anymore
than anyone else...i just 'think' i got it down, and you'd
be surprised how many people fall into...the 'she has her
own book...she must know something' phase...until they have
a reality check and come to realize themselves that its all
a crock of shit. but eh...maybe i'll write on anyways?

ok, thats enough out of me

g'night u fools

rice




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