Ivy

Ivy's opinions, part II
2003-03-10 22:37:13 (UTC)

Patience And The Ramifications Thereof

Patience And The Ramifications Thereof

I was under the impression this silence was supposed to
last a lifetime. Instead, you come with your fullest arms
and artillery, bombarding me with even newer, bigger and
better promises yet to come; but only if the virtue of
patience still resides within me. Stop with the clauses and
fine prints already!

Patience, you say, after four months of nothing, you talk
of patience? Am I waiting for another round of petty
disagreements and hurt feelings over false promises? I am
sick of internalizing every little nuance for the hopeless
romantic that I am. I am tired of trying to decipher every
word for hidden meanings. I am not a dog begging for a
morsel of emotional leftovers.

I want to be appreciated for all my complexities as a
woman, not just the fact that we share a similar taste for
music or the clothes for the hip and young urbanite. The
fact that I disagree with your statement at times is not a
negative connotation on me. Take it at face value. I don’t
disagree with you as a person; this is merely the beginning
of a conversation. I am, not out to prove you wrong. I want
to know your stand on certain issues other than what ever
happened to the concept of the four horsemen and whether or
not it was due to NAS that the group broke up. Rehashing
and forcing us to assimilate into each other’s lives
through late night talks brings nothing into fruition. May
I suggest actually being in each other’s lives? Does it
matter that turntableism is my deal and not yours? This
shit: it’s all filler for the real thing. If you can’t roll
up your sleeves and get to the gut of the matter, if you’re
afraid of getting emotionally dirty, if you cannot hack the
intensity of reality and the feelings they involve, then
stay where you’re safe. Do not come to me after all this
long stretch of time if you don’t have the balls to be in
my cipher.

As far as friendship goes, if this is the best for everyone
involved, whether they are cognizant of the drama that’s
been slowly unfolding the past year, then do so. No going
back, no thinking more about it, no nothing. Do it. Do it
and accept the responsibility of the decision. Have the
balls to be honest enough to tell the truth. Brevity is a
profound virtue when forced to face fear and the unknown.
Lying is a very tacky trait. I do not want to expel any
energy lying. It goes against my beliefs and simply put, I
am strong enough to tell the truth. I respect the people
around me and so I take the time to muster all the courage
I have to tell it how it is. I expect the same in return.

So, without further, explanation, I hope you find this
diary post someday because I am no longer going to take the
time to explain how life is in my world. Take it or leave.
I have enough players in my team.

©Ivy Penaredondo March 2003




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