Leah

Leah
2003-03-10 06:51:40 (UTC)

ouch...

ya so I worked out in the gym for a few hours again today,
which I know I am going to be feeling tomorrow, but I am
glad that I got to work out because I definetely need to
start shedding some of the extra pounds I have,
particularly around my mid section. I mean I know that I
am not fat, by any means, but I do know that I have to at
least lose 5-10 pounds. My weight is healthy right now
for my height but I would like to have a great physique,
not to show off to people because we all know that Leah
does not wear skimpy clothes, wear bathing suits, or
anything like that, but I know for a fact taht I would
feel better about myself if I thought I have a nice body,
so that is why I would like to loss a few pounds, not for
any other reason. The only thing about that is that I
have a hard time trying to eat healthy here at college
because of all the junk food that is readily available to
me, so I need to exercise some more. My body is definetly
getting toned up, which is nioce, but it definetely not
any where near where I would like it to be.... oh well


Today I played around in the gym and was helping the
little 8 year old Mariah work on some of her basic
skills. I gave her a new nickname, "tornado" because she
can twist sooooo fast!!! I love her, but I don't know if
she will even remember me when I see her in the gym
tomorrow, she will probably look at me as if she knew me
once and get back on to what she was doing before she saw
me, I just have that kind of a presence.


Last nigth I went to my friend hillary's party and had a
good time I guess. I don't know, but all I know was that
it was really awkward for me to be there with Ben there.
He had brought a girl with him thinking that I wasn't
going to be there and that it would have been alright if
he had brought someone. He walked in holding hands with
her, and it was really weird for me to see only because it
had been 2 weeks or so before that he liked me, or so he
said, which made me wonder if he even liked me as much as
he said he did. I mean he had already gone out and found
himself another girl, and, yes I know that I was the one
now who told him that there is only so much I can handle
right now and that if things went any further it wouldn't
be fair to him because he wouldn't be one of my main
priorities, but it was almost like a dagger to the
heart... ok, that is exaggerating, maybe more like a pin
prick to the shoulder, it still hurt, and it stung a while
after seeing it. I mean if he is happy with this new
girl, by all means, pursue it and be happy with her, I
mean that is all I want him to be, happy. I want to be
happy as well, but I know that I have a long time to wait
until my ship comes in, so in the mean time I try to make
everyone around me happy so that I can have some kind of
joy in my life.


I always seem to attract the really weird guys. My ex-
boyfriends always break up with me and find new
girlfriends in a matter of days, and there I am just
sitting in the cloud of dust that he kicked up off of his
heels as he runs away. I know I am not completely butt
ugly, but honestly, what is it about me that seems to make
guys turn around and run? Is it because I like sports?
Is it because I like to burp? Is it because I feel I am
better friends with guys than girls? honestly I am
completely confused about this and would like some
answers. I think I am a great girl. I am cute, I think I
have a good, yet very dirty, sense of humor, I have a good
personality, good conversation skills, plus I am
an "amazing kisser," or so I have been told. So why do
guys just look at me and always assume I will be one of
their friends and nothing more?? Since I have been here
at Elon, since august of 2001, I have had 2 guys like me.
2 that I know of anyways, but I mean how many more could
their have been? Probably none. I don't know why this is
bothering me so much, maybe because I have been single for
almost 2 years. I haven't had a boyfriend since the
summer of 2001, but I was kind of non-officially dating
someone this summer, but other than him, NOTHING. There is
this guy that I liked a lot last year, he happened to be
the ex boyfriend of my suitemate. He is a great guy,
amazing in fact, and I still like him, but I will never
admit that to him, and I am just beginning to admit that
to myself, but he lives in DC, so when do you think the
next time I will see him will be?? oh right, NEVER. I
mean I barely talk to him online anymore... GRRR Man this
shit blows...

I found out that the guy that I work with whom I kind of
have a mini, somewhat little, want to see him naked, dream
about fucking him all over the gym, crush, is straight,
which is nice, but the fact of the matter still stands
that I will never have him. I will never have a chance
because I don't have the balls to walk up to him and start
a conversation, plus I don't really think he gives a damn
about who I am and what I am all about. If he did, that
wuld be nice, I mean I think I may talk to him once every
2 weeks or so, if that, and when we do talk it is asking
if one or the other is using a mat that we need, so it sux
huh? Whatever... I am going to go to bed now... night
y'all




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