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2003-03-10 06:18:47 (UTC)

Please Bleed

Let me explain something about the way that I feel about
Gab. She is still the same person that I fell in love
with, and I will always love her. But... this selfishness
that has plagued her has (from my view) totally twisted
who she is towards me. I still care for her so much, maybe
more than I do for anybody else... but I don't want to be
with her. It's as simple as that... not while she remains
tottally wrapped up in her self. I'm not saying that it's
wrong for her to care about herself... but our
relationship got to the point where I didn't matter. She
wanted me to be something that she could discard whenever
things got tough for her... she would rather build a wall
between us than confront any problem that we may have had.
I'm a person who believes in the ideal of love with
everything that is within me. I strongly believe that love
can and will conquer all things, as long as people are
willing. Gab just wasn't willing. I'm not saying that love
is like an easy way out of any problem.. on the contrary I
know that when two people are in love they will be
confronted with far more problems then they would if they
did not have any feelings at all. But love is the
strongest human emotion, it is the source of the human
spirit. It can face any challenge. It can defeat anything.
You just need to have faith. Gab never had faith in us,
hence our love was defeated. We had to let go of it. Maybe
she was right.. we found eachother when we were too young.
maybe we'll find eachother again someday.. far down the
track, when we're more personally and emotionally mature.
But for now.. it's over, and I've let go of what we have.
I still see her as the most beautiful girl I have ever
laid eyes on and it is very hard to see her and know that
she resents me so much. But I am a strong person... I will
rise. hmmmm for some reason I am feeling reminiscent of
Ben Harper. Here's some lyrics for you to sink youre teeth
into.. very beautiful stuff.

* * *

Please Bleed

Make me feel like a beggar
Make me feel like a thief
Make me feel like a battle, that cannot end in peace
Make me feel like running, as if I've lost my nerve
Make me feel like crying, tears I don't deserve

Please bleed
So I know that you are real
So I know that you can feel
The damage that you've done
Who have I become
To myself I am numb
I am numb
I am numb

Is this really living sometimes it's hard to tell
Or is this a kind of gentler hell
Turn out the lights
And let me stare into your soul
I was born and bled for you old

Never said thank you
Never said please
Never gave reason to believe
So as it stands
I remain on my knees
Good lovers make great enemies

-(Ben Harper, Burn to shine, 1999)

* * *

I'll Rise

You may write me down in history with your bitter twisted
you may trod me down in the very dirt.
And still like the dust, I'll rise.
Does my happiness upset you?
Why are you best with gloom cause I laugh,
like I've got an oil well pumpin' in my living room?

So you may shoot me with your words,
you may cut me with your eyes,
and I'll rise - I'll rise - I'll rise - rise - rise.
Out of the shacks of history's shame,
up from a past rooted in pain,
and I'll rise - I'll rise - I'll rise - rise - rise.

Now did you want to see me broken,
bowed head and lowered eyes,
shoulders fallen down like teardrops,
weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my confidence upset you?
Don't you take it awful hard cause I walk,
like I've got a diamond mine breakin' up in my front yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
you may cut me with your eyes,
and I'll rise - I'll rise - I'll rise - rise - rise.
Out of the shacks of history's shame,
up from a past rooted in pain,
I'll rise - I'll rise - I'll rise - rise - rise.
I gonna rise - I'll rise - I'll rise - rise - rise.
I'll rise - I'll rise - I'll rise - rise - rise.

* * *

HAHA I feel really great... such a release. I love who I
am and am glad to be a live! (hmmm this prolly isn't my
diary entry for today..moreso it's just a littel personal
expression thing that I wanted to put down here...
congratulations if you've read through the wol ething..
lyrics and all. I'm writing this from Uni at the moment..
in athis big ass computer room in the campus.. wow!
anyways) BUBYE!