forever changing
2003-03-10 04:55:44 (UTC)

what the hell

right now i am so sick of some of the people i hang out with
they are just pissing me off. well and its not really just
them it is them when they are mixing themselves with all
the drugs and other fucked up shit they are taking. it is
really just becomming so annoying. on friday ashley came up
to me and started telling me about these pills she is going
to get and i just looked at her and she told me not to be
mad i just told her i had to get to class and left then
nate got hella fucked up all last week and was being a
complete ass to everyone and i am just sick of it i just
want to leave and not come back fort a while but i don't
want to at the same time because allong with all the duggie
friends are the ones who are clean and don't do that shit
and they stay so i stay fro them and also i do love some of
my druggie friends they just piss me off i can't understand
why people would do something like that they are really
screwing themselves up. it just gets so aggravating sometimes. i used
to think if i had a boyfriend who did drugs it wouldn't bother me
that much as long as he didn't do them too much but now i have
realized that there is no way i could deal with that. i am so glad
matt does not do drugs for this reason. honestly as much as i love
him i think part of it is because he doesn't do anything that messes
him up like that and when i talk to him no matter when i talk to him
i am talking to him not him high or anything like that it's just him
the real him. drugs just really suck! i will never understand why
people do them. wait thats not true, i do understand why some people
do them and that is because of their pain and they are searching for
a way to releave that pain and others do it just to get screwed up
and that is what i don't understand there are many ways to have fun
and remember it too. my mom told me something peggy lou once told her
and that is "i like my reality, why would i want to alter it?" and
the way i see it even if at times i don't like my reality altering it
is only a temporary repreive from it and in the end things only get
worse. basicly to sum up most of what i just went on about, the whole
drug thing is really annoying the crap out of me right now.