MERRY-jane

like crap down the toilet, these r tha d
2003-03-10 02:25:08 (UTC)

Facing the world.... sober??

well, its been a while since i've written but sometimes i
like to hold off if I dont have anything nice to say. I've
been pretty mellow lately, thanks to the neverending supply
of weed i've been smoking that ran out this morning. Now,
since im used to smoking 8 times a day, atleast, everyday,
I feel the stress quickly settling in. I know soon, I'll
start thinking too much, about a thousand things that'll
piss me off, what i always do when i dont smoke. I think,
ironically, that my real problem is that i NEED a drink! I
don't really know what else to say but i might as well rant
about something since im finally conscious and can write in
my diary. Well, i promised myself i would go out and have a
fun march break, which i kinda have so far, although i cant
really say i did a lot of anything, except smoke LOTS of
weed, like, friday night was probably one of my record-
holders for the most consumption. I wish i had more things
to write about but marijuana literally is my life now. I
skip school, wake up any time of the night, do whatever i
can for more. Ive been trying to convince myself to clean
up my life but i guess im just scared of what's to come. If
i stop smoking up and downing coffee's, god knows how much
of an angry bitch i'd be then and NOBODY would like me. And
lately, at school, i just feel so down. it's like, all the
guys are going for everyone but me. I'm not worried about
school anymore though because now i have a week off so its
time to start stressing about the fact that I finally have
a real job! somewhere where i'm going 2 have to show up and
act nice for god knows how many hours. when the going gets
tough I guess I'll just think of the money. My friend told
me the first 6 months will be fun until the charm wore off.
Anyways, I don't know where to go from here. I have no
money, I owe EVERYONE money so there's no chance in
borrowing anymore and i havent had to go more than a day
without weed in months, so im scared. But as much as the
future terrifies me, i think its time to get off my ass and
go on a date with the real world for once.