Kaitlan of Everywhere

To My Dearest Ethan
2003-03-09 02:36:19 (UTC)

Dearest Ethan...

My dearest Ethan,

I like to start each letter to you as if we were in the
middle of a conversation. As if you were real. As if I were
coming back to you one day.

I imagine, Ethan darling, that you are a tall boy, with a
heavenly complexion and dark hair. Your eyes I suppose, are
blue-green and you have a grin that makes me smile. For
some reason that seems only right to me and that I know you
would find simply silly, I can only imagine you wearing our
boarding school uniform, even though I am on spring
vacation (the said uniform consisting of black trousers,
white shirt, black and navy striped tie and a navy blazer
with the school crest on it, for the boys). Isn't that
strange Ethan? Ethan. Such a lovely name. I gave it to you
because it's a strong name. And it carries a bit of a
mischievious ring to it, don't you think? I do.

I was thinking Ethan, as I usually do, about Daniel. I care
for him a great deal and as you know, this is a different
sort of caring than ever before. I can imagine myself as
Mrs. Daniel Heisler, and when I do I am quite satisfied. Of
course, he only has eyes for Deandra which puzzles me.
After all, she is six years younger than he and I am only
four; Daniel and I (who goes by Dan, but whom I think of as
Daniel or Danny) are much closer friends than he and
Deandra are... And besides, cousin Sean likes Deandra and
she likes him. Oh I wish he could see me the way Nathan
Funk does. As beautiful, and funny and charming. I know I
sound a bit narcisistic but bare with me. There is of
course Jonathon, who I am so very attracted to on an
intellectual level. But sometimes Ethan I find Jon to be
such a bore. I think I would cry myself to exaustuion if we
ever got married. But back to Daniel. I hardly know what he
thinks of me, really. He gave me his picture for my
wallet. And he gave me such a lovely long massage, and I
him. I was talking to him on the computer (forgive me
Ethan, for I know that you will see that as a bit of
adultry towards you and will never let me live it down) and
he said he couldn't wait for another 'sensual massage'.
Only, what was sensual about the rub I gave him? It was in
complete public, cousin Sean was right there!! And when I
called him 'Sinatra', fondly of course, he started to call
me'Cornelius' in a manner that could only be kind. He's a
terrible tease Ethan and I wish I knew what he really
considered me to be. Oh... What if I am only 'Kait' to him!
Or worse... His best friends (cousin Seans)cousin! How
dreadful. I fear I must leave those thoughts alone now or
else I will drive myself mad.

I've been sick Ethan sweetheart, and it's absolutly
dreadful, a real bad dose. I've been in bed since Friday
and today is the first day I haven't been feeling too lousy
to get dressed but I still can't breathe out my nose. What
would you say to that? (I would guess "well at least any
bugs there in Alberta can only go in your mouth then, and
that's positive, isn't it luv?").

Well Darling Ethan I fear I must part with you and go drown
my sorrows in a pop and piece of cake. Take care luv and
I'll see you when school takes up again (I won't, but one
can hope).

Ta ta,

Love

Kait




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