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dbnsfg
2003-03-08 19:40:28 (UTC)

I can't cope

i know its been said a million times before, but it really
is getting too much.. all i want, is to die.. i dont mean i
feel down and it feels like the only way i could possibly
get better is to die and no one would miss me and all that
pathetic shit.. i really want to die, like seriously.. i
dont care what anyone thinks or who i'd hurt or any of that
shit.. i just want to die.. im too weak to even hold my
hand steady.. i tried last night.. after i'd woken up from
my possibly hour long sleep, which sucked cos i couldnt
breathe, went into the bathroom.. took my new lil knife i
pinched from amber.. not only could i not keep it steady,
but i couldnt fucking see it.. stupid arm.. it should be
more normal and stay where its put or something.. no one
seems to care at home though, and the time's running out
for me to get a job.. four months and then im homeless,
joy! ah well.. they took my tv again.. i was watching the
scooby movie on 5, cos its all that was on, and there was
zombies and stuff, so yeah.. and then dad came in and took
it away from me, gave it back to connor, said he was going
to bed.. going to bed at 6pm? my brother never goes to bed
before fucking 11, and today he goes at 6? ever heard of
trying to cause trouble dad, you fucking retarded wanker?
then again.. he wont see it, cos connor's his precious
little baby that never does anything wrong, even though
he's in more shit at school than ive ever been in my life..
bleh.. im past caring.. i keep breaking down, and it hurts
cos not only can i not stop the pain, but it gets worse
when i cry.. im gonna go beg for my tv back and see if im
allowed the icky jelly, since its all i can have that
doesnt involve chewing.. even though it'll come straight
back up :/ *sighs* whatever




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