Eyes4Guys

Personal hell & back again
2003-03-08 06:53:51 (UTC)

I hate girls my age

God, you know I was having a really good day today? I
actually wasn't bitched at (much) by Miss Jan and I was
able to just work on my Mom and have some good
conversations with her. Everything was great till fucking
Amanda and her bullshit.

I didn't like how I had to start my day taking a test and
got a 78, which in there is really, really bad. Pretty much
failing, but I don't have to get 92s on every test I take.
I got past that and just tried to do a perm on my
manniquin. I left for lunch and spent about 40 minutes at
home eating stuff. It didn't taste good to me today, but it
was just something in my stomach. I got home in time to
start doing Mom's manicure, pedicure and facial. So I got
credit on three different things along with my perm today.
I got a bit accomplished. It is so much easier to just deal
with people. If I mess with the manniquin, I get bored and
stop what i'm doing. Then I end up not really getting a lot
done.

Well, other than the fact that the nailpolish would't dry
fast, I did pretty well. I got through them faster than I
thought I would, but not fast enough apparently. Right when
I finished, I had to get ready to leave, and I still had a
lot of things to do. But I was able to just talk to my mom
on how I really feeling about this school and some of the
people in it. It helped me a little bit to just settle some
demons, but fuck they returned. But anyways, Mom said that
she was upset that she had to pay full price when it was
her own daughter doing the services. She said that I did
really well for my first time, and that she would buy some
supplies for me to keep at her house so I could do some
services there. Then, I could do them on her and she'd give
me money. Michelle, my GOOD brother's wife, wants me to
give her a facial and a pedicure. Suits me fine, I'll still
be making money on the side. So Mom slipped $20 into my
pocket. I said thank you, hugged her and said I'd see her
tomorrow.

I was trying to leave to go to work when one of the nail
girls called me to the car. I forget her name, but she
asked my opinion on certain people. I said that I didn't
want rumors going around but I never really said anything
bad. Just the basic "I've never talked to her so I can't
place judgement" or "Well, her and I are just different
people". But I ended up being out there for half an hour
trying to get out and go to work. When I finally was able
to leave, I was 5 feet away from my car when Amanda called
my name. God, I just laughed and said "I'm never going to
get to work today." I just laughed more and walked to her
car and asked her what she wanted to talk to me about. I
wanted to kill her, just skin her alive because of her
fucking bullshit.

First off, let me go into some detail. Amanda and Leigh are
whores to me. They are different from me in so many aspects
that I couldn't possibly be friends with them. There would
be too much conflict. To them, I am the white picket fence
girl. If I"m kind wild and out there, let's see, how does
that make them look?

I knew from the get-go that a friendship with these two
girls would't work, but I figured that I would give it a
try anyways. What harm would it do? The entire night, they
are trying to get me to drink. Now, I'll drink, but not to
the excess that they are. Last time I did that, a lot of
shit happened. Besides, I just wasn't feeling too hot to
drink, so I just didn't for a long, long time that evening.
Amanda was talking about how her boyfriend broke up with
her that evening and how much she missed him. But yet,
she's talking about an old boyfriend, Buddy, who she claims
to really love. But he's in jail right now, so she hooked
up with this guy, Bart, who looks like Buddy and took him
home to sleep with him. Whatever, she really misses Jeremy
all right. Fucking whore. But whatever.

I ended up buy a pack of beer for them to drink, I had a
few myself but sorry beer just isn't my thing, especially
Bud Light. Egh. That and I ended up letting Alexa borrow
$20 for more liquor. I ended up giving away $30 to them. I
should have said no from the beginning. But I am too much
of a fucking pansy to say anything otherwise. I just want
to make others happy.

Ok, well I would go into when we went to a bar, but I don't
feel like going into much detail. Here is the basics. So we
go to 6 bars that night to drink, but I didn't have much
till we got to the last one. One guy wanted to give me a
foot massage, and so him and his friend gave me and Alexa a
foot massage and then was all sucking on our toes. I was
too damned ticklish to really enjoy that. But hell, if he
wants to mess with my feet, whatever. It's just my feet.
What the hell is so romantic about that that anyone could
really get all upset about that? Well, this guy, Frank,
decides he wants to buy me drinks. I'm not about to say no,
especially since I told him that he didn't have to. I
didn't want him to feel pressured to buy me anything. So I
went to the bar with him to make sure that he wouldn't mess
with my drinks. He bought me $40 worth of shots and such. I
was plastered off my ass.

Frank was a little touchy feely but not really in a way to
offend me, he just was rubbing my shoulders and such. He
was whispering something in my ear when a whole pitcher of
beer was poured all over my pants and my shirt. I just
figured it was an accident on Amanda's part because hell,
she was making out that it was. Whatever, I got upset when
they all left me at the bar, with this guy, to get a pack
of cigarettes. They couldn't just wait or take me wiht
them, so they left me there. Frank was offering to get a
taxi ready for me, but I declined. I said that I knew
they'd be back. Besides, I had people who could have picked
me up if they decided to be bitches.

They had the nerve to tell me that I couldn't bring anyone
home. First off, I wasn't even planning on that, especially
since the girls were talking about people who we knew that
had HIV. Amanda had a hair stylist, and I have a brother.
WIth that topic in my head, and the fact that I fucked up
once, why the fuck would I want to do it again? Them just
implying it made me mad. I'm just talking to these guys.
They made me feel more comfortable just talking to them
then the girls were really making me feel. But yet, both of
them seemed to pick up these guys to take home.

Amanda failed to mention that we didn't have a designated
driver, and we were all far too drunk to do anything. We
were going to try to go back to Leigh's where we were
supposed to sleep. Instead, we went to the Waffle House and
found some guys. I guess the girls had talked to them once
before or twice before. I certainly wouldn't say that they
knew these guys. Well, they had been drinking too, so we
just try to drive home anyways.

We get to Leigh's place, and dammit it's already 4 in the
morning and we have to wake up at 7. I want to just go to
bed, I'm miserable. I'm in company that I don't like and
who doesn't want me around, I'm drunk and just soooo
miserable and just tired as hell. Amanda and Bart head to
one bedroom and start fucking, Leigh and Will go to the
living room and start doing their thing. I'm stuck in
between. I can't go to the other bedroom, cause I'd have to
go through the living room. I'm not about to go to the one
next to me cause Amanda was already riding this guy within
minutes. So I stay in Cody's room (Leigh's freaky cousin
who sleeps in the closet) and just sleep on the floor by
the door.

I'm in just a pair on tiny, tiny shorts and a t-shirt, but
I wasn't cold at the moment. So when Cody was offering me a
blanket, I refused at that point. But I'm miserable. I was
wishing that I hadn't gone out with these girls. I could
have talked to Chris and been asleep in my own bed for a
few hours by then. So then I'm here, alone, and hearing
both these girls get their fucking rockers off, which they
both keep me up all night long. So I'm awake and freezing.
None of these girls asked me if I wanted anything warmer,
they just went to their own business.

The weird thing, which I won't tell Amanda, because it will
make matters worse, is that Bart came into the room I was
in. I was half in a sleep and half out of one. That verge
in between is a really bad place to be in. But he sits down
next to me and noticed that I had at least been crying for
some time. He questioned me and I just said that I was
fine. He starts to rub my sides and lays down next to me.
"Do you want to come in the room with Amanda and I? There
is a blanket and a pillow for you to use" "How much did you
have to drink?" "Not that many" "Well, you should sober up
first. If I know her the way I think I do, first off she'll
flip that I'm in a bed with you too. Secondly, I don't want
her to think that I want her." "Well, :: starts to touch my
back:: I'll stay here with you till you fall asleep"
"Amanda would be pissed off if she knew about this. I'm
tired, I want to sleep, so just go back to bed with Amanda"
So he leaves. I didn't think anything of it. I just laid in
there, trying to sleep.

I was just pissed and tired and in a bad mood when it came
time to try to wake their lazy asses up to get them to get
ready for school. I told them that they were hypocrites and
that bringing guys home after drinking was the worst idea
that they could do. That started a rumor on it's own, but
nothing incredibly stupid.

They just called me a few days later leaving the following
message, which pissed the living fuck out of me. "Hey
chick. We're at Ruby Tuesdays right now and there are some
guys here you wanna fuck us in our ass. We want to know
your opinion about this. :: giggle:: So how would you feel
to have a dick shoved up your ass? Give us a call back"
Now, first off, just becuase she asked if I had anal and I
said yes doesn't mean that that should be a topic of
conversation. Second, I don't care how fucking drunk they
were (again) they shouldn't have called me to leave that
message. I was pissed and I let them know it the next
morning "Did you like our message?" "No, and I didn't
apprieciate it either." "Oh, ha, we don't even remember
what we said" Bitch ass whores.

So that leads to today.

I walk to Amanda's car, hell it wasn't either of their cars
so I have no clue how they got it, but I ask her what she
needs. She was accusing me of shit. Either it was trying to
sleep with Bart or actually fucking his ass. Now, I was
awake all night long and pretty damn sober after almost
getting killed (we were almost hit by a speeding ambulance,
bitch didn't look left to see if oncoming traffic was
coming) and couldn't sleep through their damn fuck fests.
I'm not about to tell her about Bart trying to get a peice
from me after already getting laid by Amanda. But
apparently, both Bart and Will are saying this shit. So now
I have Leigh and Amanda telling me that I'm the whore
afterall, that they do not appreciate that and that I'm
going to get my ass beat. They said that they believed
these guys over me, not even tryign to hear my story. So
I'm scheduled to go to the Wings on the island to talk to
these guys and set everythign straight.

Only problem? Why would they take back anything. Will
doesn't know anything. He wasn't there. I have no beef with
his ass. But first off, I denied Bart's fucking ass. No one
would have been the wiser if I would have slept with him,
but ::shudders:: that is just a nasty thought. So he must
be mad that I told him to go back to bed and sleep with
Amanda. Hell, she didn't seem to mind having him wake up
next to her. Diry whore.

To accuse me of something is one thing, but to threaten me
is another. I know that they will twist everything, that no
one will listen to me. I know that I'm going to end up
getting hit for something that I didn't do. And God, I was
crying because I was upset. I can't do anything with anyoen
without fucking rumors starting. I can't hang out with
people at work, now I can't hang out with people at school.
There goes the idea of fucking making new friends. Even
girls, they all think that I'll sleep with random ass guys.
No, that is their damn specialty. I won't stoop to their
level again. But I have to defend myself.

I don't knwo what I'm going to do. I will get hit for
soemthing I didn't do. I will have to face four people who
believe a lie and won't listen to me otherwise. I don't
know what I'm going to do at all. I'm getting to the point
where I'm scared now. So that just made my night at work
hell. Fucking hell.

I passed my crying stage and went into my pissed stage.
Now, I'm just in between. I have till Wednesday to figure
out what the hell I'm going to do. I can't bring anyone
with me, they are working. I need soemone there to keep me
calm and to make sure nothing happens. Besides, if
something does happen, I need a witness or else it's four
people against me in every aspect. I can't just ditch or
else they will really think that I did do this. So I have
to go, face all their fucking asses and just get this over
with so I can move on from this.

I'm seriously debating leaving the school for a little
while till they can fucking get all their shit out of their
systems and learn to grow up. This isn't high school
anymore and I do not need any more drama in my life than
what I already have. If they can't grow up, I do not want
to be around them so they can drag me down with shit that
isn't my problem.

I just don't know what to do. I'm still rather frantic
right now, pretty scared and pissed. But...I was really
hoping that I could talk to Chris. I just need someone to
hug me and tell me that everything will be ok. I won't be
threatened again, this will be cleared and everything said
against me will be revoked. I may not have acted the way I
should in the bar, but that happens to people. I didn't
sleep with them. That should be all that matters. They
weren't being too lady-like and they certainly threw "their
morals" out the window. But I didn't sleep with anyone. I
didn't try to sleep with anyone. I can not be held
accountable for anything when they were doing worse shit
than me. We were all drinking, we were not ourselves. Hell
maybe they were, but egh. They make me sick.

But hell, if they still believe that I fucking slept with
Bart, then he must not have been that good. I don't
remember a damn thing, and I was awake the entire time. I
must have blocked him out cause he was so bad. Jesus Chris
people. Learn to fucking block out rumors and do not
believe anything that does not come from the person's
mouth. If a rumor is said about me, do not believe it till
you hear it from me. They weren't in the fucking room. They
do not know, so they can not say a god damn thing to me.

How do I get mixed up with these people? They all want to
hurt me somehow. God, I am so stupid to think that I could
have been friends, that I could have had fun when I knew
from the start that it wouldn't work. I hate girls my age!
Fucking immature bitches with no life. Their life revolves
around drinking constantly. Jesus, what kind of life is
that?

Ugh, I'm no upset and Nessa didn't call me back when I was
crying on her answering machine. And Chris isn't here. He's
probably busy with recognition but dammit. I need him. I
need him to tell me that everything will be ok and he isn't
here. I'm scared, I'm mad, I'm sorry that I tried to be
their friends and I have all these stupid emotions running
through me.

The sick part is, last time a rumor started, Chris said
"Well, you didn't sleep with them, did you?" He didn't
believe me at first. So I know he will automatically think
that I'm not telling the truth. Fucking Christ. How will I
explain this to him? He's going to think the worst before I
even finish tellign the story. I know he will, and that is
natural. I just want him to hug me and tell me not to
worry, that I have nothing to be worried about. But how can
I even try to be friends with anyone when they will
continue to say mean things towards me and start trouble.
They all start trouble now. I don't know what to do. I
can't take them all with a grain of salt.




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