Silent Eyes

Lost in this place
2003-03-08 06:46:48 (UTC)

Reminder

Reminder to self....Paul walked out tonight...was he bored?
Annoyed? Agitated? I don't know. I don't know him anymore
and he obviously doesn't care to know me. I was just
thinking what an awesome person he was when BAM out of
nowhere he lays this bomb on me and walks out the door in
silence. He doesnt care about me anymore it's all over
even the last thing I clung to. OVER. I sit here all
alone in my room ALONE. I guess I always was, I was just
to blind to see it or I wanted them to be their so bad that
I imagined they were. I ran all the possible thoughts of
why he would do this. And I'm sure he thought he was doing
the right thing, but....I have to say that the love I have
is slowly dwindling. I miss the guy who cared about me and
my life. I guess all in all it's best this way. I have to
keep telling myself that so I can stop getting hurt. I
have to remember the pain so I dont let it come back
I guess I just dont fit him n e more......maybe ending it
after we broke up would have been easiest.


I truely can feel and experience the lonliness and i cant
forget it. For after I can get over it I will be much
better. Depression is fine and dandy screw anybody that
tries to tell me otherwise. I hate people I hate them so
much all they fucking do is cause pain. The one person I
ever loved left me in the dust without even blinking he
didnt even care. It goes to show that nobody cares or at
least the one i love right now doesnt....

Yes being lonely and depression always puts you into a mood
to get more depressed so I tend to think about where I am
going when I die because i have no idea and i'm scared to
death or if there is anything other than this reality or
realm or if astral dynamics is real or if I can ever be
happy or maybe staying content is happiness. no physical
thing can make us happy this i know from experience but I
also no from experience that you can love some one and they
can extend their love.

I have no real purpose if you would have asked me 3 hours
ago i would have been sure i did

No more games no more bullshit your snuggled in your
fucking bed not caring what the fuck you did to me so
therefore i hate you. i said it ok the love i have can
take no more and the reason you did it this way...because
if you left with me hating you it would make it easier on
you. well let me tell you this, I have never shut any of my
friends out and i wont start with u but you dont what the
hell your doing to me and that is one thing i wont stand
for is this fucking shit. Be honest and true to yourself



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