landslide29

The Monster Chronicles.
2003-03-08 03:42:27 (UTC)

despondent

Do you ever get the feeling like you try and try and try to
please, but never get anything in return? .. Like you just
want to make everybody in the entire world so happy,
because you love them, and then you feel like they don't
feel the same..... Maybe I care too much.
hey, this diary thing isnt too bad of an idea, although i
DO have my actual journal with pages to write on..but i'll
get to that one later.


i dunno......im in one of those "moods" again...It just
really feels like no one cares sometimes, you know? Little
things catch your attention and then you notice it happens
more and more often...and i shouldn't be upset about this,
because I should be GLAD that i make people happy :o) And I
DO feel good..it's one of the best feelings. But then the
depressing music comes on like Bother- Corey Taylor or
Black (acoustic)- aaron lewis, and the acoustic songs by
cold..and you get thinking about shit. and i know that i'm
just overexaggerating about this, and in the morning it
will be forgotten and i will be bright and sunny
again...maybe i'm just tired. im sure sleeping will make me
feel all better.


I just wish people could see. I'm always made out to be the
bad guy...I'm always wrong...But for once..if someone could
see how they made me feel, or someone knew they falsy
accused me...if someone else apologized for a change..


Who am I kidding... whatever. I'm making a really big deal
out of this and it isn't necessary. People who are reading
this probably won't understand..and it's better not to ask
people..

In conclusion -- I have realized I am a very selfish
person. I am bitching and complaining about life, when I
should be happy with what I have. I have a home, food and
water every day, and I am in good health. I have a few
friends who I can confide in (which is good enough for me)
I have a boyfriend who loves me, and who I love, and I have
a family who loves me. I am just one big complainer. I
shouldn't be sitting on my butt thinking about self-pity. I
should be getting out there and helping people in the world
who really need help. Who DO have real problems.

Ok..I feel like my thoughts are a bit more sorted out, so
I'm feeling a bit better. But still something isn't right
with me. I guess it's just one of those nights where you
listen to sad music..and feel sad. But I guess that's ok.
Sometimes that's what people need. And I'll be back in no
time. And it's not the depressing i wanna cut myself mood.
It's the kind where you get into a really melancholy mood,
which I like.

But enough of writing. I don't know why people would want
to read about this. It's just me figuring out some stuff
inside of me...so atleast I'M getting something out of it.
LOL...

until next time.....*




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