JulietsSwanSong

Storming in my head
2003-03-07 16:49:22 (UTC)

leaving today for a much needed break.

last night, i was so lonely. i wanted desperately for
someone to be there who could hold me. I was dying
for a love. And that scared me. i don/t want to need it so
much. It started out that i was so upset because Chris
didn't call, and now he hasn't even written me back. And
now I'm just thinking that there must be some kind of
trick that he was playing on me. he must have tricked
me into thinking that he's wonderful and exactly what I
wanted so that i would want him to call me so much so
that when he didn't it would just be so... duping.

I talked to Matt last night, who I adore. He's such a good
friend. I'm so glad that thing we tried to do with being
more than friends didn't screw us up, and i think the fact
that we didnt' talk for about a year reallyhelped because
it sort of allowed the weird feelings of "Wow, you're not
my boyfriend anymore" to fade away.

And I told him how lonely I am. He thinks it's because of
Trent. I think it's because of everything but Trent.

So anyway, I just finished my last final, got a 91% which
is an A... awesome! And now I'm going to get together
with Trent, and we're going to go to lunch, I hope,
because I'm starving.

i want to love someone. I have that feeling again. When
it hurts to look at the stars because they're so beautiful
and so far away from each other, and even when i'm
tracing out constellations, I don't see them as
individuals coming together to make something
beautiful... i don't know what they are anymore. The
world, the earht, the sky, the ocean, it's all so magical to
me, and all I want to do is let it all in. I want to hold the
hands of someone else, and create a net between our
arms that catches everything magical that we see, and
then hold each other, holding all the bueaty that lies
between us inside a wordly embrace. I want it all to be
something that is possible. I'm craving some kind of
wake of life. Maybe I'll find it over the break! Can anyone
say ROAD TRIP WITH BERNADETTE AND MATT????
hahaha

If your'e reading this, i just want to say thank you, and
you're different from anyone else. I want to tell everyone
that they are so special because they bring another
note to the chord. They bring everything together in a
way that's so great they may never recognize it. but look
for it, please! Look for the way you make things change,
and if there seriously aren't any... make a change in
someone for the better, because it's one thing I assure
you you'll never regret!


Thanks guys : )

~Ellena




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