Ohmmy

Oh,The Insanity
2003-03-07 05:50:15 (UTC)

A Letter...

Dear XXXX,
So you've actually moved on...I'm impressed. Actually,
maybe Hurt is more like it. You didn't call me on my
birthday...I didn't even get to see you. It's okay though,
I shouldn't have been so excited about it...if I hadn't
brought myself so high, I wouldn't have fallen so hard. I
was stupid to let my guard down, especially to you. You
never EARNED anything from me...I just gave it. Love,
heh...you said you loved me...that's bullshit though. If
you had loved me...you would have cared enough to Call me
back.
I heard a story once, about a girl who called her friend
and got his answering machine. She left a messege and hung
up. It turns out, she called him because she was going to
kill herself and wanted to say good bye, she called because
she had loved him. And just as she cocked the pistol and
put it in her mouth, just as she closed her eyes, just as
she began to pull the trigger...the phone rang. And it was
him...and he stopped her from killing herself, all by
calling her back.
Is it sad that when a guy actually does call me back, I get
shocked? I think "oh my god", not "hye, I'll talk." No,
you don't call me back, only if you need something. Like a
ride to see your precious friends, all of whom you treat so
much better than you treat me. I've heard that you're
finally dating her. Good, you need someone like her.
She'll keep you busy with her insecurities and problematic
life, I'm sorry I couldn't allow you to fix me...I have
pride. I guess that's the same reason why you know EVERY
GODDAMMED DETAIL OF MY LIFE, but I know very little about
you? Because you're too proud to admit that you need help
sometimes...but I'm not stupid. I know you hurt alot...I
know you want someone (mostly HER) to say "oh it's okay"
and hold you and protect you from the world...but it won't
happen. Because she's not maternal...she's so damned
childish, she falls for your games. I fell for your
games...I probably still will. All you'll have to do is
say "em, you know better" and I'll be back to "oh, he's so
wonderful, he's perfect, he's (dare I say it now?) my best
friend." And in reality...I'll only be there to drive you
down here, so you can see her...then I'll drive you back.
I'll do anything for you, and you know it...and all because
you said you loved me.
Well, Love is bullshit. I've been "loved" too many times.
Jake loved me when he was beating the shit out of me, Dan
loved me when he was fucking other girls...you loved me
while you dated me and wanted her. And the thing that
kills me, is that I was warned.
And you kept putting me off. "when one of us gets a car" I
bet you never knew thats why I got a car. "when you
graduate" I walked across the stage, adn you WEREN'T THERE!
When you grow up...how about when YOU grow up? When the
hell will you improve? When the hell will you beg her for a
ride to come see me? Maybe 50 years from now and I'm
dying...maybe then you'll come see me for once.
Contemptuously yours,
Emily (the one you foolishly lost)


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