Ode to a psycho!HA!
2003-03-06 20:24:48 (UTC)

I'm Gonna Cry

I feel like I'm dead. Literally dead. I wish someone would hug me and
tell me this was over. I feel as if I go through the day and do the
same things, and talk to the same people about the same things
everyday, and then I never do anything social, I rehearse and practice,
and memorize, and build up that Goddamned resume, and then came home in
time to eat, lie in bed and stare at the ceiliing for a few hours and
start all over again. I guess i feel like a puppet on a string. I don't
really move, someone pulls me and moves me and places me and moulds me.
I have no contenders for a boyfriend. Boys won't date me. why? I know
not. You know who the last boy I kissed was. Ross, and do you know how
Fucking long ago that was?> july. fucking july. Do you have any idea
what that will do to ones self esteem? Well, it's no FUCKING good for
it I can tell you that. I can't believe I still have to put up with
another year of this shit. Feeling like I'm dead. I'M DEAD! you don't
understand, I'm no longer living. All I have left are the dry
crystalized remnensce of the tears that longed to sit on my cheeks, but
instead stung my eyes, and burned to the back of my head. nothing more.
The Miss pagent begins tomorrow. ha. what a stunt that would be. To
kill myself the day of the pagent. hey, mabey it would better my
chances of placing. hmmm...... I'm such a joke you know. Such a
goddamned fucking joke. Lieing in a ball on the floor having a panic
attack never did anyone any good before, did it....