ruthemily

girl, interrupted
2003-03-06 15:37:19 (UTC)

at the health centre

sarah hugged me i wanted to cry i'm going away now sarah
you kept me alive and sarah i know it doesnt seem like i
care because i keep trying to kill myself but i am
grateful i promise i promise i am grateful for what you
did for me you saved me you were the only one i could tell
you were the one who got me to the priory you were the
only one i could have trusted to help me you were the only
one i could have told the truth to i know you dont know
everything still but thank you sarah im gonna miss you

where's brenda take me to brenda now please let me see
brenda i need someone to hug me i need someone to love me
oh shirley hi shirley how are you yes im going next week
im going i dont know how long for no im not sure yes i
will eat yes of course i know yes dont i look good now im
fat i know

you're still gaining weight goodo i know sian

shirley who is this what are you doing there GET OUT that
isnt your desk thats my mummy's desk get AWAY now NOW i
said move get out thats not yours you're in the way you're
trying to replace my mummy noone will ever do that GO AWAY
FUCK OFF STOP TRYING TO HURT ME yes won't it be good i
can't wait i'm really excited a new life

walk

calm

calm down oh in the kitchen ok i'll just go through now

breathe ruth breathe

i saw 'auntie' brenda and she told me to have a good time
and to be safe and to make sure i keep eating and then she
said i should contact my mother because she is hurting and
she misses me and please could i do that for her, for your
auntie brenda, because it would be really smashing if you
could and it would be good for everyone and you should do
it i know it's hard for you but you can do it you're very
brave and strong and although it's difficult you can do it

and i cried, i cried stood there in the kitchen of the
health centre, tears falling down my face and she hugged
me and she held me and i told her how much it hurt and how
i want to get in touch, i want my mummy back, i want her,
i need her, but it hurts brenda it really really fucking
hurts