clouded-ice

Four Rooms
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2003-03-06 00:21:40 (UTC)

I'm bored. Here's a self-analysis.

Alright, I'm really bored. I seem to be getting more and
more bored with the internet. Granted, I have a lot of
movies I can watch, but I don't really want to yet. I
probably should do some homework so my homework load isn't
as big tomorrow. I don't really care about it though, cause
tomorrow is a field trip and I'm not going to any of my classes.

Today's kind of a dreary do, It was raining/drizzling all
day so that puts a damper on everyone's mood. This morning
I find out that even though my ex still wants to be with me,
she won't. Of course, I had to overhear it instead of have
her tell me. It wasn't really anyone's fault. I wanted to
scare her, so I was waiting in the room right near where she
was talking, and she didn't know I was there. I probably
should have left before I heard anything, but I didn't want
her to feel embarrased by knowing I heard most of what was said.

I'm a shy and sensative guy. I got it from a combination of
my parents both being shy and sensative and being made fun
of most of elementary and some of middle school. Kids can
be so cruel. Being shy has made me kind of a loner. I'm
only close to a few of my friends, I stay by myself most of
the time, I don't like large crouwds/groups, and I don't
really like going out much. I've even chosen a profession
that doesn't really require much interaction with people:
Computer Engineering.

Being like this, doesn't help one's self confidence, or self
esteem, much. I don't think I'm a good looking guy, except
for my eyes. I get a lot of compliments about my eyes. I
don't think I'm that intelligent, even though I'm in all
Honors classes; I just got lucky.

I didn't have even the prospect of a girlfriend until High
School. Now I'm not gonna knock Stacey, she's a nice girl,
but now that I look back on it, she's not my type. That
relationship lasted about 2 weeks. It was my fault it ended.
I mean, I was really inexperienced with girls. I had never
been out with one, and not much experience even talking to
them. To say the least, it took me those two weeks to work
up the nerve to ask for a hug. I got dumped the next day,
but we still went to the Band Christmas Dinner/Dance.

The dance was alright. Despite the (however long) of dance
lessons, I didn't have any confidence that I could dance.
At this dance, I did meet a girl who would soon become my
girlfriend. Her name was Amanda. She was friends with
Allison who, from what I've been told, has had a thing for
me for several years. Amanda was new here, she had moved
here from Pennsylvania the summer before Freshman year.

I my eyes, she was, and still it, beautiful. She had
amazing eyes, a cute face, great legs, etc. Anyways, on
December 21st, a few weeks after the dance, she asked me
out. We were both pretty shy, but I was determined that I
wouldn't let the same thing happen with this realtionship.
I made sure that I hugged her fairly soon, and kissed her a
few weeks after. The relationship went well; we fell in
love. We went out for quite a long time, 1.5-2 years.

Friday, April 27th, 2001 was the last time I would see
Amanda. This was the day that she left for Michigan,
because her dad got transfered. This was not when we broke
up, that happened later. I learned basically everything I
know about relationships from Amanda, and I'm really
thankful for that. At the end, the long distance was just
too much for both of us. I'm 95% sure what happened, but I've
yet to actually discuss this with Amanda. I've talked about
it with my best friend Nick, who's the one who told me the
half I didn't know.

Well, no one's gonna read this or care about my life, but
I'll continue this another time.

-Kev


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