ramblings of this hopeless romantic
2003-03-04 22:35:32 (UTC)

jackass jason

i can't believe i'm such a dumbfuck. i knew it was a bad
idea going to margaret's room saturday night when i knew
full well that barret, jason and david were gonna be
there. what a dumbfuck i am. earlier in psychology i
wanted to cry and beat my head against a wall or something
along those lines. why didn't i stop and think about the
consequences??? ugh now i'm gonna get kicked out of nhs
and mom's gonna be pissed and this is going to be the
worst weekend of my life. mom's prolly pissed about adam
already cuz he's my prom date and she doesn't know him and
he doesn't go to gs. and now this. how much worse can this
get?? oh wait...adam not returning my call, me getting
kicked out. i've never been in trouble before. never.

i'm scared outta my head. there's no way i can eat or do
anything at this point. i should do some work or practice.
but i can't. damnit mom's gonna be pissed. i'm always
kidding when i tell mom not to worry about me unless she
gets a call from matt burns or nurse gail. damnit i
screwed everything up. i understand that i made a wrong
decision and i've learned from it. this feeling....i hate
it. it makes me want to throw up (particularly on jason
the little fuck). i wish i could go back and follow my
first instinct--not to go to margaret's room that night.

god, i don't want to go back to stratford. i don't want to
disappoint my mom either. damnit.