it is a nightmare yet i am awake, it is hell yet i am
what the fuck is happening to me? why now, why this, why
everything, just WHY? why are there no answers? and why do
i ask so many stupid questions in the fucking first place?
i feel so pathetic. i'm weak. i'm useless. i so
desperately want my mood to stick for more than five
minutes, but i'm up and down like a bastard yo-yo...and
it's so hard.
i'm excited and anxious, happy and angry, content and
scared...but that's not right, that can't be, it doesn't
i want to be there, i want to be sat outside in the middle
of the night looking up at the stars in the sky...i could
step outside my front door and lie on the drive this
instant but it wouldn't be the same, it wouldn't be
anywhere near...yes it is still the same sky, but it's
different because right now i don't have kahlie with me.
i want this to be right, i want this to be ok, i want to
get away from things for a while. but i'm scared. most of
all, i am scared that maybe i AM trying to
escape...however much i tell people that i am being
realistic, maybe i am just thinking that i can run away
from myself...it would be so perfect if i could.
where did my childhood go? it isn't fair. nothing is fair.
rah rah rah
quit complaining you fuck up, it was YOUR OWN FUCKING
yeh, i know. it hurts, but at least i know.
i can't stomach anything, i'm trying to eat but it's hard.
i can't stop fidgeting, i'm anxious, i'm scared, i'm
frightened, angry, hurt...
very very hurt