tbqb12

my stupid mouth
2003-03-04 20:48:46 (UTC)

Can I place my confidence in you?

let me just repeat that i despise course selection day. it
is so ridiculous to pick classes more than 5 months in
advance. the worst part is that if i can't even decide
what classes to take next year, how in the world am i ever
going to pick a major in college, or just pick my classes
for that matter? i almost wish we just had mandatory
classes to take. almost but not quite. and then there's
the whole conversation (sort of, hehe) with jeff today that
made me second guess myself. he doesn't even know how
much, shall we say, control he has over me. just talking
to him almost made me change my entire schedule. again,
almost but not quite. here we go:

so i get to history and everyone (yes, all 5 of us) was
chattering (funny word) about what classes we were going to
take next year. and now i quote jeff, "are you taking any
chemistry?" this was directed at me. i answered 'no'
possibly more than once (because i think he asked more than
once). when he asked me the second time, i thought maybe
he was asking about this year or something because i had
definitely already answered him. well, he obviously meant
next year, but, apparently, he thought it so unbelievable
that i wasn't taking ap chem that he asked me repeatedly.
(maybe i'm just imagining that it was repeatedly...my
dreams and reality all flow into one...) so i asked him if
he what he was taking, and he said he was taking both ap
chem and physics. and he wanted an explanation for why i
wasn't taking ap chem, and i told him about wanting to go
into communications and not needing it yada yada yada.
then he put on his confused look, as i refer to it, and
told me that he didn't even know what communications was.
and so i told him. (what, you thought i'd deny him
information?) hmmm, i thought there was a point to this
story...oh yeah. the fact that he thought i should be
taking ap chem, when i know that i do not need to, made me
wonder whether maybe i should take it. then i realized
that if i did, it would be partially because jeff was. i
can't do that to myself. i like to think that i made the
right decision in not changing my mind on an impulse just
because of what someone else says or does. reassure me;
tell me i did the right thing. anyway, i figure that if
something is "meant to happen with us" (oh geez; that
sounds so corny) it will whether i'm in his chem class or
not. and since it is so much more probable that nothing
will happen, why take a class that i am completely
uninterested in and will not need? plus, as cristin, says,
we don't need chemistry together, "we already have
chemistry." ha, that was cute.

i might regret taking as many math classes as i signed up
for, but i can always change things. i tend to lock myself
into something and not offer myself a way out because that
makes me feel like a quitter. i always want to stick with
something when i start it because i hate the feeling of
knowing i could have finished it (um, can we say field
hockey?) i've decided, though, that if my grade does not
stay high enough to take ap english, then i will make
accomodations to fit ap chem into my schedule. i want 2 ap
classes. why, you ask. i don't really know.

also in history, mr. haebler flipped out (and when i say
flipped out, i just mean that he stopped the discussion to
dwell on the issue and efend his opinion above all others)
because laura called something her parents were
doing "gay." apparently, he found that to be very
derrogatory. one of the few things i find worse than
derrogatory comments, however, is a hypocrite. mr. haebler
constantly makes fun of certain ethnicities (and i don't
care that he does it about his own), but he finds this
comment of laura's so wrong. not that i agreed with the
way she used the word, but he certainly is not someone i
would describe as being politically correct. every time i
start to gain some more respect for the guy, he does
something that really annoys me. i don't even agree with
homosexuality, but do you think i would ever dare start an
argument about that? absolutely not. the thing is, i know
lindsay (not sugadaddy, the other one) will defend
homosexuals and apparently mr. haebler will, too. but i
don't really think (judging from her comment) that laura
would. and something tells me that jeff wouldn't either
(he's a good catholic boy...hehe), and who knows about
dan. but why doesn't anyone say what they think? hmmm, we
do want to pass this class, right? so, yes, i guess you
could say that i compromise my principles to get better
grades. wow, that's really sad.

instead of song lyrics (because i tend to forget them and
screw them up), i have decided to include the funny quote
of the day.

"she has no right to call you an alcoholic."
"can i place my *confidence* in you?"

i'll leave you to draw your own conclusions and develop
your own explanations. it would take way too long for me
to do that. just think like a 12-year-old boy, like i do
(hector...)




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