munkeysgrowontrees

The Diary of Me
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2003-03-04 16:48:07 (UTC)

A letter to Krissie...

Hey!
Yea, friday was good, it was cold and rainy tho...you
should have talked to him...oh well...you're together
now...it dusn't matter that you didn't talk to him so dont
worry...you defiantely wouldn't have looked pathetic...but
he was with all his mates so i understand why you didn't
say anything...but you should have said something when you
give him a hug! lol. He probabl did want to talk to
you...well i think he did, but he was with his mates so
that's his excuse, lol.Wow, i don't mind, everyone i annoy
everyone...i just get carried a way sometimes and i cant
control myself...i annoy myself all the time so, i guess i
understand you...it isn't your fault...but i didn't realise
you got annoyed with me...oh well...i didn't know i went to
you with stuff...but i forget things...so i might do...you
don't have to act all happy around me...but i do admit...i
wouldn't be a ble to take it if you was all upset around
me...id cry or sumet...and i never know what to do...just
cry, lol.I wouldn't say you are ALWAYS happy around
me...you can be stressed and stuff but i don't think you
would be as down as you are in your diary around me...i'm
kinda relieved by that too...because...ill get so paranoid
and worried about you...god, i didn't realise it started
from when you were little!? You never seemed to be all
depressed when i knew you wen you was little...i gess your
right wen you say i dont really know you...i dont listen or
understand ppl...i thought i did...but i mustn't...i don't
understand why being happy wouldn't feel right...well im
not good at understanding...so it doesn't matter...i'm
kinda one of them ppl who worries about there hair
looks...sometimes...but sometimes i just have bigger things
on my mind...and if i started to worry about how i looked
all the time id become so depressed bc i hate the way i
look...so thats one thing that i push to the back of my
mind...that gets confuzzled with other crap back there...im
sorry i couldn't come out...i didn't even have my guitar
lesson either!!!but i didn't feel like going out, i had a
cold and my tongue (lol) was hurtin...i didn't realise i
could make ppl happy...i knew i made jokes and its so great
when ppl laugh and appreciate them...but i just thought...i
dunno..that people just used me for... i dunno...not you
tho...i dunno...thats too confuzzling to talk about...i
keep getting on to the subjects i don't wanna get
onto...the things i keep in the back of my mind again...im
sorry that i can't keep you happy anymore...and that scares
me...im scared you're gonna do somthing....please don't
krissie...i don't know what id do without you...i know it
doesn't exactly seem as though i'd...in dunno i'd care that
much about you but please krissie....please dont do
anything stupid...please...dont get angry bc im saying
something stupid, its just if you did anything...i
dunno...i don't know what to say...if you came to me with
all your problems...i admit...i wouldn't be a ble to
cope...but you HAVE to tell someone...please...i don't
understand what your saying about katie...katie dusn't
prefer her churchy m8s to you honestly...i know you have a
big problem and thats your dad...i kinda guessed...you need
to sort it out...talk to someone about him...wow...i so
didn't know you envied me...i mean...really krissie....my
life isn't all great...i know i have a great dad and mum
and all but...and i know you feel left out bc your mum
dusn't exactly take you places and stuff...maybe i should
talk to someone about you...but...i dunno...maybe that
isn't a good idea...when i got into that big stress...thats
what i sumtimes get like when im depressed, exept i take it
out on me and i dont no what....but theres something that
stops me from hurting myself...i guess its fear but i sit
there all angry and...just walking straight out the window
sems like such a great idea...then later when im all
calm...in cry bc ive scared myself so much...im glad i isnt
going to give you this letter bc then im kinda causin more
problems for you...im glad you're going out with Jamie but
if he upsets you AT ALL....i will seriously kill him...if
he upsets you...........i will kill him...the guys uv bin
out with have wanted to bc you have the greatest
personality ever and you are so great at making ppeople
feel better and our just such a great person and you dont
relised that but i dont care WHAT you think YOU ARE a great
person...well...im gonna reply to the rest of your entry
another time....bye krissie....luv ya loads...
Alyssa


Well if anyone has read this letter, the reason why i said
you won't understandit is bc i red my m8s diary entry and i
just kinda replied to it then...i isn't gonna giv it bc its
too personal and yea...so well there ya go...


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