ruthemily

girl, interrupted
2003-03-04 14:44:54 (UTC)

perdendosi

i'm not crazy, i just don't want my life anymore, and i
can't see what's wrong with that.

i'm dying inside, fuck, i'm already dead inside, and what
can change that? i'm not sure anything can.

i felt the happiest i have felt in a long time last
night...i had a nice night out with tom, we kissed, it was
good, then i came home and spoke to kahlie, that e-mail
from charlie...i dunno, i just felt so warm, i felt cared
for, i felt that maybe my life could be worth
something...and then i was ok this morning and i went to
see shirley and i spoke to kahlie again on the way and i
texted lisa and everything was ok...and then i was sitting
on the platform of the station looking down at the tracks
thinking how quickly everything could and would be over.
in an instant. the train was coming and it would have been
so easy but i am WEAK. it reminded me of that time at the
station near lancashire cricket ground, where i sat on the
tracks, willing a train to be coming at that moment.

i have to go. FUCK.