The Mind of Tee La
2003-03-04 07:35:26 (UTC)

(Insert fascinating topic here)

It's been awhile. Lately I've been really busy. You
know, searching effortlessly for happiness and never
seeming to make it last for very long. I can tell you
right now that I'm probably one of the most complicated
people in my friends' lives. And the least understood...
Right now I feel like I'm standing in the middle of a
room, screaming at the top of my lungs. But no one even
hears me at all because they're all completely deaf.
Nothing good comes from it, and my voice only seems to grow
dimmer with each passing moment, until my voice has
completely died. And so I stand there, waiting for any
kind of response. It's called lost hope. And it seems
impossible to regain. The majority of you understand it,
many of you are dealing with it now, and some of you have
even figured out you're grand escape from it all. But I
have none. I figured two years has been plenty of time to
get my life back on track, but it's still steadily falling
All my efforts have been wasted. They truly have. Some
could back me up on that. And some could even say that
I've had a few good days, attempting to make me feel at
least somewhat normal. Optimistic about the time I spend
right now, even. Quite honestly, I'm sick of hearing it.
If anyone knows me at all, they should know that I mask
everything that I feel. And I'm absolutely good at it.
I've feigned my happiness in a poor attempt to make myself
feel better. In reality, behind my mask of deception, I'm
a really depressed person.
Point being, I need some much needed help and I simply
don't know where to turn at this point. I've lost my way
and myself. I've grown weary, sick, pessimistic, desperate
and mental. And yet no one seems to even care.