bluemoon

The crazy world of me
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2003-03-04 06:25:05 (UTC)

AHHHHH

Yeah so what is up kids? I have been on a emotional roller
coaster for like the last week and it is drivng me crazy.
I never know how I am going to feel from one place to the
next. I don't just like feeling like crap out of know
where. I will be in the greatest mood and then just one
little thing will get to me. All the little things that
never bothered me before drive me nuts now. I have no clue
what my deal is. I do know one thing though and that is I
am so sick and tired of boys. I am at the point now that I
just don't care what happens between me and whomever. I
give up on the whole boy thing. I think I am going to just
let it be and if someone comes a long this I guess we'll
see what happens but I am not going to sit here and waste
my time on some piece of shit who don't really care to
bother with me unless it is conveinant to them. Things
have gotten so bad lately I actaully thought about cutting
myself again. I know that wouldn't help so I just dropped
that thought real quick because its not going to solve
anything. I mena yeah I won't be worried about anything
because I would be to worried about bleading to death but
my problems are still going to be there in the end kind of
like drinking and getting high. Which I never had gotten
high before then for some reason I just gave in and I
always promised myself I would never do that. I was acting
all kinds of crazy including screwing Ricky that night
which obviously was a big mistake but that was a while
back. So we use to drink and stuff all the time but when
my dad had his surgery I stopped all that plus I started
hanging out with Joni which she don't drink then the other
night I got so messed up its not even funny. I kept Lakin
entertained though while she was here. I almost fell down
my steps that night and then when I got in my room I layed
down and the room was spinning which was super weird since
I have these stars up in my room it kind of freaked me
out. Then I watch a scary movie. I don't know what that
was about. It seems like the only time I am ever happy is
when I am at work. I think that is because when I go there
I don't have time to think about anything so I am not going
insane like I am when I am at school or home chillin or
doing whatever. I never use to think about stuff so much
until jackass came around and I always said that by the
time he left I was going to want nothing to do with him
well I guess I called that one right. The more I talk to
him the more I wish I never had met him. AAAAAAAHHHHHHH. I
haven't wrote like this in a long time but I am going to go
bye all!


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