Should I give up on her?
I guess it's not really fair to give up when I haven't
even given her a chance to begin but it's so *frustrating*
having nothing to write in here cuz of the stagnation
Like I'm as hopelessly desperately in love with her still
(just sounds tragic with those adverbs)but I'm just
Do I want anything to change? Only if it's for the
better, otherwise I'd rather just sit back and enjoy our
friendship. I don't wanna ruin anything-or in reality I
don't wanna see her face when she says she doesn't feel
the same for me...I already know the face she'll use...and
I don't wanna see it. I don't care about this loved and
lost shit-I'm not risking it yet-only if it comes up.
And like Friday night could have been beautiful if she had
stayed but she didn't...and nothing would have happened
anyway-I know this but still...I might have something to
write about in this.
And everyone else is frustrated with me and their
efforts...but I don't like this contrived situation we've
placed ourselves in-I'm pulling back and it's not cool...I
need to be allowed to move forward at my own pace. It
will happen-that much is inevitable-unless she meets
someone and falls madly in love with them...
I was seriously saying screw you to her-mentally of course
but then like a half hour later she phoned to talk about
nothing really...and so I was happy. Sorta...but I'm still
very much on the verge of apathy. LIke I can see her and
she's hot and all but I can just as easy ignore her. I
watched her do chores on Sunday and then suffered guilt
knowing I should have helped her....
Subtlety is an art I've mastered all too well, and I think