ruthemily

girl, interrupted
2003-03-03 19:41:25 (UTC)

reply

wow, baby, thank you. thank you firstly i guess for taking
the time to write back to me, and most of all for the
words you said.

i have been doing a lot of thinking over the last couple
of weeks about my life and how it has been. a lot of
things i cannot remember, mostly the good times have
slipped away from me, i've tried to grasp onto some good
memories to keep me going through the pain but it is so
hard.

i remember during the summer holidays when we would spend
all day every day on the phone...we'd run off to get ice
cream and then come back to the phone to carry on
nattering while we were eating it. we wrote to each other,
long long letters, and i remember you used to use that
funki japanese writing paper! and i remember the day we
handed in our deposits for morzine, and we spent the whole
of that evening on the phone planning what we would take,
what new clothes we could buy, how we could pass the long
coach journey...all 9 months in advance. i remember
shopping in manchester with you. i remember when you slept
over, i remember when we did french revision in my back
garden, yet we didn't even speak one word of french! i
remember the titch tribe, i remember when we used to plan
who we would sit next to in every lesson before assembly
in the morning, i remember so so many things...and to be
honest, i never thought i would.

as i'm writing this, i'm starting to wonder why the hell i
am going away, why i am leaving england and some of the
most amazing people i have ever met. and then i realise
that i'm not leaving you, i'm just not going to be in the
same country as you anymore. there are many reasons why i
need to leave, why i need to move and find myself
somewhere else. people change, move on, and i guess we've
always known, right from third form, that once we left
withington we would all go our separate ways. for me i
suppose it's a bit different, but i am going with the
security that it is the right thing to do.

i wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for you. and like you, i
don't say things unless i really mean them. that poem you
wrote me while i was in stepping hill, i can honestly tell
you that it made one hell of a difference. it made me feel
loved, it made me feel wanted, and, while i can't deny
that most of the time i feel completely the opposite, it
is there for me to hang on to. that last line, about
walking into the sunset together...i think about it a lot.
i swear to you, that i am doing what it takes to get well
again. i will fight this out and i will make you proud. i
will make you feel as proud as i am to have you as my
friend.

i love you and i thank you, charlie. i class you as one of
my very closest friends, and while we may not speak or
write very often, you are always in my thoughts.


ruthie x